Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Yogi Berra at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Police in New Jersey are saying that someone broke into the Yogi Berra museum and stole several pieces of the Yankee great’s memorabilia. The suspect was described as 5’7″, white and definitely Billy Crystal.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Comic Con on right top corner.]
Michael Che: This weekend, there’s New York Comic Con. The annual gathering of people whose comic books and genitals are kept in mint condition.
[Picture changes to a card and a receipt]
A new restaurant is opening in Philadelphia that will pay it’s waitress $Colin Jost3 an hour but will not allow customers to tip them. The no tipping policy has been in effect for years among it’s black customers. I’m kidding. That’s a myth. Black people tip. I tip like 65% … of the time.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Delaware map]
Colin Jost: A Delaware woman was arrested after her 4 year old daughter found packets of heroine in her bag, then passed them out to the other children in her daycare class. But on the bright side, those kids are now fantastic blues musicians.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’ a picture of a Norway flag and a reindeer.]
Michael Che: New research shows that reindeers in Norway have an unusually high level of radiation due to dust from the 1986 to noble meltdown. In fact, you could even say that they glow.
[picture changes to British flag and a mobile phone]
British prosecutors are now saying that now anyone caught posting revenge porn could face up to Colin Jost4 years in prison. So, you better not post that video we made, Peppa!
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Geno Smith at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: On Friday, embattled New York Jets quarterback Geno Smith celebrated his Michael Che4th birthday. Sadly, when Smith blew out the candles, his birthday wish was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.
