Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There is a picture of tweeter logo and KKK at right top corner.]
Michael Che: This week, the hacking group anonymous broke into the tweeter feed of the Ku Klux Klan. The KKK responded to the breach by changing their password to WhitepowerColin Jost.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There is a picture of bottles of liquors at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A new government report concludes that 90% of people who drink excessively are not alcoholics and change their behavior easily. Which is exactly what an alcoholic would say.
[The picture changes to Franklin&bash]
TNT has canceled Franklin&bash after four seasons. So, I guess we’ll never get to find out which one was Rizzoli and which one was Isles.
[Cut to Michael Che. There is a picture of a man and a woman kissing at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Scientists say that when people French kiss, they transfer over 80 million bacteria. This according to a recent study conducted on yo mama.
[Picture changes to a yellow bus]
The city Florida has budgeted $25,000 to purchase bus tickets for homeless people who wanna leave town. Said homeless people, “Uh! The bus?”
[Cut to Colin Jost. There is a picture of an old couple at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A new report lists Madison, Wisconsin as the best city in the country for retirees to live. While the worst city for retirees is [picture changes to a sign board that says “Loud surprise! Arkansas.”] Loud Surprise Arkansas.
[The picture changes to a steak and Walmart logo.]
A family in Florida was sickened recently after buying steaks from Walmart that were allegedly laced with LSD. They described them as the best tasting steaks their ears had ever seen.
[Cut to Michael Che. There is a picture of Lungwood Garden at right top corner.]
Michael Che: The rest room at a Pennsylvania’s Longwood Gardens which is built into a wall of plants has been named America’s best restroom. It was also named America’s most disgusting garden.
