Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There is a picture of tweeter logo and KKK at right top corner.]
Michael Che: This week, the hacking group anonymous broke into the tweeter feed of the Ku Klux Klan. The KKK responded to the breach by changing their password to WhitepowerColin Jost.[Cut to Colin Jost. There is a picture of bottles of liquors at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A new government report concludes that 90% of people who drink excessively are not alcoholics and change their behavior easily. Which is exactly what an alcoholic would say.[The picture changes to Franklin&bash]
TNT has canceled Franklin&bash after four seasons. So, I guess we’ll never get to find out which one was Rizzoli and which one was Isles.[Cut to Michael Che. There is a picture of a man and a woman kissing at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Scientists say that when people French kiss, they transfer over 80 million bacteria. This according to a recent study conducted on yo mama.[Picture changes to a yellow bus]
The city Florida has budgeted $25,000 to purchase bus tickets for homeless people who wanna leave town. Said homeless people, “Uh! The bus?”[Cut to Colin Jost. There is a picture of an old couple at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A new report lists Madison, Wisconsin as the best city in the country for retirees to live. While the worst city for retirees is [picture changes to a sign board that says “Loud surprise! Arkansas.”] Loud Surprise Arkansas.[The picture changes to a steak and Walmart logo.]
A family in Florida was sickened recently after buying steaks from Walmart that were allegedly laced with LSD. They described them as the best tasting steaks their ears had ever seen.
Michael Che: The rest room at a Pennsylvania’s Longwood Gardens which is built into a wall of plants has been named America’s best restroom. It was also named America’s most disgusting garden.