Michael Che
Colin Jost
[Starts with Michael Che. There’s a picture of a man carrying groundhog.]
Michael Che: Officials at the Staten Island zoo are denying reports that a groundhog used in this year’s groundhog ceremony died after the mayor de Blasio dropped it. Said officials, “It was really more the stepping on it.”
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a sheep.]
Colin Jost: A shepherd in Germany has discovered a rare geep, which is a sheep-goat hybrid. It’s believed to be the first sheep-goat hybrid to be discovered since Kid Rock. [Picture changes to Kid Rock.]
[Picture changes to a college in California]
A California teacher resigned after she talked in class about programming robots to shoot and kill students. Her resignation should give her more time at home to work on her army of killer robots.
[Picture changes to an old woman.]
A Mexican woman thought to be the oldest person in the world reportedly turned 127 on Sunday. Despite her age, she said she still living la-vida kill me.
