Michael Che
Anthony Crispino… Bobby Moynihan
[Starts with Michael Che in his set.]
Michael Che: Well, there’s been a lot of news in the news this week. But here to tell us the news he heard second hand is our second hand news correspondent, Anthony Crispino.
[Anthony Crispino slides in]
[cheers and applause]
Anthony Crispino: Hey. Oh! How you dong, there Mikey. Hey, congrats on the new gig, man. Very nice.
Michael Che: Ah, thanks man.
Anthony Crispino: Ay, come on, man! Be humble. People are watching. What are you doing? Come on.
[Anthony Crispino is looking here and there.]
Michael Che: Alright. Anthony, so– Anthony, so what’s in the news this week?
Anthony Crispino: Uh, you heard about this thing? You know, it’s Christmas time. They had a tree lighting hosted by the Rock and old Yellow. Yeap!
Michael Che: No, it was at Rockefeller Center.
Anthony Crispino: Um, I’m pretty sure it was it was the Rock and old Yellow who hosted it. You know? [Cut to Anthony Crispino] It was a huge event. You know? There was a big musical performance by Drew Carrey.
[Cut to Anthony Crispino and Michael Che]
Michael Che: No, it was Mariah Carey.
Anthony Crispino: Um, sounded more like Drew Carrey. You know? Coz, he messed up and forgot who’s line it was anyway. So…
[Anthony Crispino is still looking here and there.]
Michael Che: Okay. And where did you hear that?
Anthony Crispino: Where did I hear that? I heard it from the owner of my local tanning saloon, Lawrence Fleshburn. Yeap, that’s the guy who told me.
Michael Che: Well, I’m sorry. But Lawrence Fleshburn was mistaken.
Anthony Crispino: Okay. Alright. Lawrence Fleshburn, whole different guy. Not a good guy but, um–
Michael Che: But, I don’t think either one of them said it.
Anthony Crispino: No, not either one of them. But, you hear about this thing? The space prostitutes?
Michael Che: What?
Anthony Crispino: Yeah! Star-whores. They lock themselves n a trailer and they said they won’t come out for a year. Yeah!
Michael Che: It was a Star Wars trailer. The movie comes out in a year.
[Cut to Anthony Crispino]
Anthony Crispino: I agree to disagree, huh. You know, but, um.. you heard about this guy from the Jefferson Shermon Holmsley? Yeah, People magazine voted him the sexiest man yet alive. Yeap. [Cut to Anthony Crispino and Michael Che] He’s moving on up that guy.
Michael Che: Chris Hemsworth was voted sexiest man alive. Anthony, where did you hear any of that?
[Cut to Anthony Crispino]
Anthony Crispino: Um, from my elderly salsa dealer, old Mel Paso. [Cut to Anthony Crispino and Michael Che] That’s who told me.
Michael Che: Okay. Well, I think he was misinformed.
Anthony Crispino: Okay, alright.
Michael Che: Anything else, Anthony?
Anthony Crispino: Um, well, I’m afraid. You know, I got some upsetting news for the fans of a very beloved fatherly figure. Bing Crosby.
Michael Che: Oh no.
Anthony Crispino: Yeah. I know. It turns out he’s a rap artist or rap-ist as the kids say today.
Michael Che: No.
Anthony Crispino: No. Turns out he’s been rapping for years.
Michael Che: No, no, no, no.
Anthony Crispino: No? [Cut to Anthony Crispino] That’s what Bing Crosby did when they asked him about him. He just shook his head no.
[Cut to Anthony Crispino and Michael Che]
Michael Che: I’m not even gonna touch that one.
Anthony Crispino: Hey, hey, Bing Crosby would. So…
[Anthony Crispino is looking away]
Michael Che: Anthony. It’s Bill Cosby.
Anthony Crispino: Um, pretty sure it’s Bing Crosby, though there Mike.
Michael Che: But it’s not.
Anthony Crispino: Ummmm, I’m pretty sure.
Michael Che: No!
Anthony Crispino: Ummmmmmmm, pretty sure!
Michael Che: No!
[Cut to Anthony Crispino. Anthony Crispino makes some kind of noise, then coughs.]
Anthony Crispino: Excuse me. I swallowed a chipmunk on my way here this morning.
[Cut to Anthony Crispino and Michael Che]
Michael Che: Anthony Crispino, everyone!
Anthony Crispino: Hey, keep doing the good stuff.
