Leslie Jones[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set]
Colin Jost: Well, a new study shows that a number of single people in America has reached record high levels. Here to give her thoughts on the subject is our relationship expert Leslie Jones.[Leslie Jones slides in] [cheers and applause]
Leslie Jones: Woo! Yeah, woo! What’s up? What’s up? Yeah! I’m single. Give it up for the loneliness.
Colin Jost: Leslie, obviously you’re excited about being single.
Leslie Jones: Uh, yeah! I get the watch Ghost Whisperer on Friday.
Colin Jost: Ghost whisperer? That’s still a show?
Leslie Jones: Of course, it is, you sexy vanilla muffin.[Cut to Leslie Jones]
Leslie Jones: If you got the eye on channel, it’s always on.
Colin Jost: Alright. So, Leslie, why do you like being single?
Leslie Jones: Well, at this point, I don’t like it so much as I am used to it. You know what I mean? [Cut to Leslie Jones] It’s hard to date now. Remember back in the day when only question had to ask a man was, “Are you single?” Now, it’s a whole interview. “Are you single? Are you on drugs? Are you gay? Are you sure? Do you have any kids? The baby on the way counts as a kid.” It’s just too hard now.[Cut to Colin Jost and Leslie Jones]
Colin Jost: Well, I hope you don’t lose hope, Leslie. You know, because sometimes relationships work out.
Leslie Jones: For who, Jost? Who they work out for? I was with a man for four years. [Cut to Leslie Jones] Sure, it was a booty call. But then, four years. He had to move to Israel to break up with me. He didn’t say goodbye, nothing. You men are all the same. [Cut to Colin Jost and Leslie Jones] You just jump in the shower and just wash all the women off of you. But we can’t do that as women because your spirits are in us.
Colin Jost: I’m sorry. Our spirits?
Leslie Jones: You know what I’m talking about, you delicious marshmallow. [Cut to Leslie Jones] Spirits just be marching around in my body making me think about him. Why do I keep smelling this jerk? Help me ghost whisperer! Help me! You see? You see what relationships do to you? [yelling] Look at my face. [Leslie Jones screams out loud] See?
Colin Jost: Leslie Jones, everybody.[cheers and applause]