Weekend Update Leslie Jones on relationships


Colin Jost

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set]

Colin Jost: Well, a new study shows that a number of single people in America has reached record high levels. Here to give her thoughts on the subject is our relationship expert Leslie Jones.

[Leslie Jones slides in] [cheers and applause]

Leslie Jones: Woo! Yeah, woo! What’s up? What’s up? Yeah! I’m single. Give it up for the loneliness.

Colin Jost: Leslie, obviously you’re excited about being single.

Leslie Jones: Uh, yeah! I get the watch Ghost Whisperer on Friday.

Colin Jost: Ghost whisperer? That’s still a show?

Leslie Jones: Of course, it is, you sexy vanilla muffin.

[Cut to Leslie Jones]

Leslie Jones: If you got the eye on channel, it’s always on.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Leslie Jones]

Colin Jost: Alright. So, Leslie, why do you like being single?

Leslie Jones: Well, at this point, I don’t like it so much as I am used to it. You know what I mean? [Cut to Leslie Jones] It’s hard to date now. Remember back in the day when only question had to ask a man was, “Are you single?” Now, it’s a whole interview. “Are you single? Are you on drugs? Are you gay? Are you sure? Do you have any kids? The baby on the way counts as a kid.” It’s just too hard now.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Leslie Jones]

Colin Jost: Well, I hope you don’t lose hope, Leslie. You know, because sometimes relationships work out.

Leslie Jones: For who, Jost? Who they work out for? I was with a man for four years. [Cut to Leslie Jones] Sure, it was a booty call. But then, four years. He had to move to Israel to break up with me. He didn’t say goodbye, nothing. You men are all the same. [Cut to Colin Jost and Leslie Jones] You just jump in the shower and just wash all the women off of you. But we can’t do that as women because your spirits are in us.

Colin Jost: I’m sorry. Our spirits?

Leslie Jones: You know what I’m talking about, you delicious marshmallow.  [Cut to Leslie Jones] Spirits just be marching around in my body making me think about him. Why do I keep smelling this jerk? Help me ghost whisperer! Help me! You see? You see what relationships do to you? [yelling] Look at my face. [Leslie Jones screams out loud] See?

[Cut to Colin Jost and Leslie Jones]

Colin Jost: Leslie Jones, everybody.

[cheers and applause]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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