Weekend Update Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson on True Detective.docx


Colin Jost

Matthew McConaughey… Taran Killam

Woody Harrelson

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: HBO starting production of it’s season two of it’s critically acclaimed series, “True Detective.” Here with their thoughts, on the stars of season one, Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson.

[Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey slide in] [cheers and applause]

Woody Harrelson: How are you, Colin? Thank you for having us.

Matthew McConaughey: We’re no star, Josto.

Colin Jost: Now, Matthew, I’m a big fan of Interstellar.

Matthew McConaughey: Interstellar’s a big fan of you. [Cut to Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey] Coz at the end of the day, we’re all interconnected. Coz time is a flat circle. Future, present, goes to girlfriend’s past.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]

Colin Jost: Well, they’re starting season two and I gotta say, we’re gonna miss you guys on the series, you know?

Woody Harrelson: Oh, it’s nice of you, Colin. [Cut to Woody Harrelson adn Matthew McConaughey] We always knew it was gonna be a one and done situation.

Matthew McConaughey: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Can’t go on and on to the breaking dawn. Coz we are the creatures of the night. Vampires, tsk-khii! Blood suckers. And when the cock crows, “Cuc-koo”, poof! Dust in the wind.

Woody Harrelson: I couldn’t have said that better myself, Matthew.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]

Colin Jost: I don’t think anyone could have said it like that. Now, you two have been friends for a long time. Is that why you decided to do the show together?

[Cut to Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]

Woody Harrelson: Yeah, yeah! I like working with Matthew. He really goes for it. I mean, he insisted on running his line fully nude.

Matthew McConaughey: You got to.

Woody Harrelson: Yeah! He ate lunch, fully nude.

Matthew McConaughey: Just so that open free air…

Woody Harrelson: And he even acted fully nude. They had to CGI clothes on him.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson adn Matthew McConaughey]

Colin Jost: Does that help your process?

Matthew McConaughey: What are actors, Co-Jo? [Cut to Woody Harrelson adn Matthew McConaughey] Truth finders. Answer getters. How many lakes does it take till you get to the center of the Tutsi park, three. How do I know? The owl told me. Hoo-hoo!

[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]

Colin Jost: What owl?

Matthew McConaughey: Exact-mondo!

Colin Jost: Do you have any advise for Vince Bond and Colin Farrell? The new cast of “True Detective?”

[Cut to Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]

Woody Harrelson: Those guys are great actors. They’ll be fine. But, rule number one, trust your co-star.

Matthew McConaughey: Amen, brother.

Woody Harrelson: Yeah, this man took me on a journey. Two roads diverge and me and Matthew didn’t take either one.

Matthew McConaughey: Exactly. Because we… zeeeeee, travel by zipline. Brothers in battle. The Luigi to my Mario. I find a mushroom, pop-pop-pop-pop. Now, I’m bigger and he’s spitting fireballs. Du-du-du-du-du, Du-du-du-du-du. Pop on the turtle’s backs, send him into the base. I guess one man can jump.

Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey: Alright, alright, alright.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey]

Colin Jost: Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, everybody.

Matthew McConaughey: This one’s my soulmate.

Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.

Michael Che: I’m Michael. Good night.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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