Michael Che
Pete Davidson
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set]
Michael Che: After having problems last year, the BET ne2rk has announced a ‘No guns’ policy for their Michael Che0Pete Davidson4 Hip Hop Awards. Here to comment is a hip hop fan, Pete Davidson.
[cheers and applause]
[Pete Davidson slides in]
Pete Davidson: Yo, what up?
Michael Che: Pete, why does an award show need a ‘No guns’ policy?
Pete Davidson: Well, what people need to understand is that this type of behavior happens when you wear a gold chain. [Cut to Pete Davidson] I did something stupid this summer. I bought this gold chain. I really bought it. And here’s some advice I wish I knew when buying a gold chain. The fake ones look exactly like the real ones. I also notice that your chain is your personality. Like, it gives you too much confidence. Like, buying the chain was stupid because I already have rapper posture. You know, rappers have bad posture because they wear these gold chains and it weighs them down. I have bad posture because I hate myself.
I bought it because I was watching MTV and my favorite rapper came on. His name is 2 Chainz. I don’t know if you’ve heard of him. He’s a real person. You know? You know he’s a real person because he says he’s real in every song. Like, out of nowhere, he’ll just be like, “I’m real.” Oh, my god! I had no idea, 2 Chainz. This whole time.
Anyways, I was watching 2 Chainz and in the middle of the rap song, he just goes, “You’re a bitch if you ain’t got a chain.” And I was like, “Well, I’m not a bitch.” So, I went out and I spent half of my net worth on this gold chain. It was just a bad decision. I can’t wear this outside. I’m 6’3″, Pete Davidson45 pounds. I have a problem with wind. Plus, if I wear a gold chain, I will get stoned immediately. I might as well walk through the hood with it and scream, “Dinner’s ready.” So now, I just wear it around the house so that it gives me confidence.
[Cut to Michael Che and Pete Davidson]
Michael Che: Well, does it work?
Pete Davidson: Yeah! Like, yesterday I was eating my dinner and I couldn’t finish it. So, I put the chain on and I finished it.
Michael Che: Pete Davidson, everybody!
