Weekend Update Willie


Michael Che

Willie… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with Michael Che in his set.]

Michael Che: It’s the holiday season. And I for one have not been feeling holiday spirit. Here with his thoughts on the holidays is the most positive guy I know, my neighbor Willie.

[Willie slides in]

Willie: Ay! Ay! Don’t you feel the spirit, Michael? It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Michael Che: I honestly don’t, Willie. It’s cold out. Everything is crowded.

Willie: Oh, but Michael, life is good. [Cut to Willie] And you gotta appreciate it coz like the doctors always say, “I don’t know what that is, Willie, but it’s spreading.”

[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]

Michael Che: Your doctor said that? Are you okay?

Willie: Ay! I’m better than okay. I’m alright. [Cut to Willie] Sure, things aren’t perfect. Money is a little tight. But things can always be worse. It’s like my daddy always told me, “Son, things just got worse.” And you know, he was always right.

[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]

Michael Che: That sounds horrible, man!

Willie: Look, [Cut to Willie] I may not be the richest man, I may not have grown up with Hollywood luxuries, like limousines or matching shoes or kidneys, but it was like my pastor always says, “You can’t sleep here, Willie.”[Cut to Willie and Michael Che] [Cut to Willie and Michael Che]

Michael Che: Oh, I am sorry, Willie.

Willie: Ay! The point is, Christmas is the best time of the year, Michael. [Cut to Willie] All of the bright lights are flashing. The bells ringing. The taste of a spoon holding your tongue. All the little children running around yelling, “Mama, I think old Willie is having an episode.”

[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]

Michael Che: That really happened to you on Christmas?

Willie: It happens to all of us.

Michael Che: No, man! It doesn’t.

Willie: Well, you know what I think of Christmas? I think of my old dog Lucias. Boy did he love the snow. Last Christmas eve, [Cut to Willie] I took him off his lease so he can play in the snow. And he just ran and ran and ran and ran till I couldn’t see him anymore. But it’s like they always say, “You can forget about that dog, Willie.”

[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]

Michael Che: Ay, you know what? I feel better man. You did it. You cured. You know what? [giving Willie some money] Take this too. Ay man, Merry Christmas.

Willie: [crying] Oh, man! This changes everything. A holiday miracle like this reminds me of an old saying.

Michael Che: What’s that?

Willie: “You gonna mess this money up too, Willie.”

Michael Che: Willie, everyone!

Willie: Merry Christmas.

Michael Che: Merry Christmas.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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