Janet… Cecily Strong
Dani Powel… Bobby Moynihan
Thor… Chirs Hemsworth
Iron Man… Taran Killam
Dr. Bruce Banner… Pete Davidson
Nick Fury… Jay Pharoah
Captain America… Beck Bennett[Starts with Action News seven intro]
Male voice: This is Action News seven Special Report.[Cut to Janet in her news set]
Janet: Breaking news. This afternoon as Ultron and his evil army of robots have been defeated. And once again, mankind has the Avengers to thank. We go live to downtown Washington DC where our reporter Dani is on the scene.
Dani: Hi Janet, I stand here where just moments ago, the Avengers claimed victory over Ultron’s forces. Joining me if I can get him over here is the mighty Thor. Hey Thor![Thor walks in]
Dani: Can we talk to you for a second?
Thor: [singing] We are the champions my friend
Dani: Oh, wow. Thor, what a spectacular showing from the Avengers. How are you feeling?
Thor: Oh, man! I am on pure adrenaline right now. I’m at like an 11. I’m cranked up. Whooo![Thor kisses Dani on his cheek]
Dani: Oh, my goodness!
Thor: I’m sorry. I totally just kissed your head. That was weird.
Dani: That’s okay. Yo, there was a moment there where it looked like Ultron was definitely going to kill everyone.
Thor: Yeah. I gotta give it up to those robots. They fought hard. But luckily, I’m Thor![The public behind him cheer for him.]
Pi-pi-pi-pi. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now.
Iron Man: Hey, um, don’t listen to a word this guy says.
Thor: Oh my god! This guy. Love this guy!
Dani: Mr. Stark. Is there anything you’d like to say?
Iron Man: Um, yeah. [Iron Man takes the mic] To the owner of a Blue Honda Accord, your lights are on. Oh, yeah, also there’s a building on it. Relax, that was a joke. Rim shot! Keep up people! Peace in the middle east. I’m going to Disney World.
Dani: Oh! Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Thor: That guy has a dry sense of humor.
Dani: Oh-oh! And here comes Dr. Bruce Banner, a.k.a., the hulk.[Dr. Bruce Banner walks in]
Thor: This guy!
Dr. Bruce Banner: What happened?
Thor: You crushed it, man!
Dr. Bruce Banner: I think I ate a guy.
Thor: Yeah, you did. You ate a bunch of guys. You’re nut.
Dr. Bruce Banner: I need to sit down.
Thor: Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Dani: Dr. Bruce Banner–
Thor: Ay-Ay- Where is everyone going after this? We’re going out?[The public cheering for him] [Cut to Janet]
Janet: Dani, it seems like the Avengers are confident there will be no further attacks.[Cut to Thor is dancing behind him.]
Dani: No, I don’t have official word, Janet. But I would say that sounds very accurate considering Thor is doing the running man. But wait, oh, here’s someone who can give us some answers. Avenger’s leader, Nick Fury.[Nick Fury walks in]
Nick Fury: What?
Dani: Does Ultron still pose a threat?
Nick Fury: No!
Dani: Great! You heard it here first.[Thor and Iron Man walk in and pours a bucket of ice and water on Nick Fury]
Nick Fury: I’m freezing!
Thor: Stark’s idea! Ha-ha-ha-ha.[Captin America walks in]
Captin America: Hey, may I address your viewers?
Dani: Of course. Janet, I am joined now by Captain America.
Captin America: Citizens, please be aware. The mayor’s order to remain in your home is still in effect. [Thor is mocking Captin America from behind] Many buildings are unstable and several fires are not yet contained. Thank you.
Dani: Thank you, sir.[Cut to Janet]
Janet: Dani, do you have any new information about the extent of the damage? And when those evacuated might be allowed to return to their home?[Cut to Dani. Thor is dancing behind.]
Dani: No, but Thor just informed me that the victory party is at the Dave&Busters on 9th street. And there also might be some late night karaoke. Okay, hey Thor. Still going.[Thor takes the mic from Dani]
Thor: Hey, can I do a shoutout?
Dani: Of course, yeah!
Thor: Shout out to my brother Loki. I mean, I know we had our differences in the past and he tried to take over the world, but I love you man! And um, my ex! My ex, Jane. How do you like me now? Boom! Ha-ha. What else? What else? Check out my podcast on Soundcloud. It’s sick. It’s sick. Oh, and I’m sorry, we just destroyed your city.I love my life. Whooo![public cheering for Thor] [Dani gives his hand for a high-five. Thor gives Dani a high-five, it breaks Dani’s hand.]
Dani: [screaming] Oh, my god![Cut to Janet]
Janet: Thank you, Dani. Our live coverage continues after this.[Ends with Action News seven outro]