Baby Shower

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Sasheer Zamata

Teresa .. Venessa Bayer

Aidy Bryant

Jessie… Amy Schumer

Cecily Strong

Kate McKinnon

[Starts with ladies having a Baby shower]

Sasheer: How far long are you, Teresa ? You look like your’e about to pop.

Teresa: Ah, we think two months. We haven’t been keeping count.

Sasheer: What?

Teresa: We don’t really know how it works and we don’t believe in doctors. We’re just kind of winging it.

Sasheer: Cool.

[Aidy walks n]

Aidy: Okay, everybody. Let’s get this baby shower started.

[All the ladies sit down]

So I’ve got paper and pen so we can play some fun shower games.

[Jessie walks in]

Jessie: Okay, so fun. Where should I sit? I know I’m not invited. I don’t wanna make, like, everybody annoyed.

[Jessie takes a seat in between Cecily and Kate]

Cecily: She can sit next to me, right? She’s my best friend. It’s okay that I brought Jessie, right?

[Cut to Teresa]

Teresa: Yeah, I guess I didn’t say not to do it. So…

[Cut to everybody]

Jessie: Oh, okay. Good. I just like, don’t wanna take away your day or whatever.

[Cut to Aidy and Sasheer]

Aidy: So, how do you two know each other?

[cut to Jessie and Cecily]

Cecily: Oh, she bartends at the bar I spend all my nights in.

Jessie: Yeah. We became best friends.

Cecily: Yeah, Jessie totally has my back.

Jessie: Coz she used to order like, rail vodka and I was like, “Oh, Absolute.” Hello, right?

[Cut to Sasheer and Aidy]

Aidy: Okay. Well, why don’t you start opening your gifts?

[Cut to everybody]

Teresa: Okay, alright. [picks up a present] Oh, the wrapping is so cute.

Cecily: Wait, wait, wait. I wanna take a picture. Let me get my purse.

[Cecily walks away to get her purse] [Teresa is opening the present]

Jessie: Wait! Hold on! She’s getting her purse.
[Cecily walks back]

Cecily: Jessie, my purse is gone.

Jessie: What? What do you mean? Like, your purse is like, completely gone?

Cecily: Yeah.

Jessie: Okay, so someone took it.

Cecily: What? I don’t know.

Kate: No, no. I’m sure no one took it.

Jessie: No, if it’s not there then yes, someone took it.

[Cut to Sasheer and Aidy]

Sasheer: Can she open her present now?

Cecily: Did someone took my purse?

[Cut to Kate, Jessie and Cecily]

Jessie: No, someone took it. You don’t move a purse. You take it.

[Cut to Sasheer and Aidy]

Sasheer: What?

[Cut to Jessie and Cecily]

Cecily: You guys, everything is fine. I’m not mad. Just please tell me where it is.

Jessie: And then, maybe explain why you took it because like, she deserves answers?

[Cut to Sasheer and Aidy]

Aidy: Well, I’m sure it’s here somewhere.

[Cut to Jessie and Cecily]

Cecily: Then where is it?

Jessie: Okay, don’t freak out. Nobody is leaving here. And if it turns out that one of them took it, they will pay.

[Cut to everybody]

Does that sound okay with everybody? Is that cool?

[Cut to Sasheer and Aidy]

Sasheer: No one took your purse.

[Cut to Jessie and Cecily]

Jessie: Okay, can someone write down that she just said that in case we need it?

[Cut to everybody]

Cecily: I just want my purse.

Kate: It’s here somewhere. I know it’s here.

[Jessie stares at Kate furiously]

Aidy: You know what? Let’s just play a baby shower game and have some fun.

[Cut to everybody]

Cecily: Fine! I’ll shut the hell up.

Jessie: No, like, your friends are ridiculous right now.

Aidy: Okay, so everybody take a marker and write down a baby name. And then, Teresa has to guess who wrote what name.

[Everybody takes a paper and writes on it] [Cut to Teresa]

Teresa: This is fun. This will be great.

[Cut to everybody]

Aidy: Okay, Teresa, pick one.

Teresa: Okay. Okay.

[Cut to Teresa]

First name is… [picks up a paper] did you take my purse. Are you serious?

[Cut to Jessie and Cecily]

Jessie: Yes, answer the question.

Cecily: [sobbing] Guys, please, my purse has everything in it. Just give me my purse.

Jessie: What was in there, sweetie? Tell them what’s in your purse?

Cecily: My parent’s address and information. My passport and I’m going to Mexico in a month. My UTI medics and my heart burn pills.

Jessie: No, keep going. Tell them what they took from you.

Cecily: My phone charger and my sunglasses and my norse.

Jessie: Your norse? Wait, they took your norse?

Cecily: Yes, they took it all and everything else.

[Cut to everybody]

Jessie: You know what? I can’t stand it. [Jessie throws everything on the table away] God damn, you people! Everybody get up!

[Everybody gets up]

Get up, I don’t care if you’re pregnant. Get up!

[Jessie starts throwing stuffs here and there]

Teresa: What are you doing?

Jessie: Look, I don’t care if you guys like me. I’m never gonna see any of you again. I don’t care if you think I’m a bitch coz I wont’ see you unless you come into my bar. And if you come in and you don’t tip 20%, guess what? Your ass is getting kicked out.

Sasheer: Wait, is that your purse right under where your friend was sitting?

[Cut to Jessie and Cecily looking at the purse]

Jessie: Oh, my god. Check it. Is that your purse?

Cecily: Ah! This is it.

Jessie: Wait! Make sure everything’s in it, because if even one thing’s missing, I’m calling the police.

Cecily: It’s all here.

Jessie: God! Okay, so you guys clean up. I’m gonna use the upstairs bathroom and let’s get this shower back on track!

Cecily: Woo-hoo!

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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