Brunch

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Aidy Bryant

Kate McKinnon

Zac Efron

Cecily Strong

Claire

Chris Hemsworth

[Starts with a group of girls at a restaurant]

Aidy: You guys, I meant to tell you I finally saw Magic Mike.

Kate: Oh my god, Megan, did you love it?

Aidy: Yes! Channing Tatum is the hottest.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Vanessa: Excuse me, that is rude to Zac Efron. Have you seen him in the Lucky One?

Cecily: kay, okay. Neither of them hold a candle to Bradley Cooper and, um, anything?

Aidy: True.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: What about Chris Hemsworth in Thor?

[Cut to everybody]

Aidy: Honestly, totally, totally good call, Claire.

Cecily: Yeah, a hunky Australian in sexy armor? Yes please!

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Oh, totally. I’d rather see out of the armor. Am I right bitches?

[Cut to everybody laughing] [Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: Oh, my god, you know who else is hot? Paul Rudd in Clueless.

Aidy: Okay, yes. That is classic hot.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Yeah, he’s pretty good but he’s no Chris Hemsworth in Thor. That scene where he comes home from battling and has his shirt off. Hmm, yum-yum-yum-yum.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Wow, you really know a lot about that movie Thor.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: And that sexy red cape of his always brushing against his big butt. Oh, to be that cape, am I right bitches?

[Cut to everybody. Others don’t want to agree]

Oh! Okay, bathroom time. BRB.

[Claire leaves for bathroom] [Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Hey guys, crazy question. Is our friend Claire actually Chris Hemsworth?

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Aidy: Well, what do you mean?

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Vanessa: Like, the movie star?

Cecily: Yeah. I mean, I could be wrong and that could just be our friend Claire, but it kind of seems like it’s Chris Hemsworth in disguise.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: But we’ve been friends with Claire for years.

Aidy: Well, wait, have we?

Kate: Actually, coming to think of it, I’ve never met Claire before today.

[Cut to everybody. Claire comes back.]

Claire: I’m back bitches.

The rest: Hi, Claire.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Are wt still talking about that hunk Chris Hemsworth?

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Sort of.

Vanessa: You know, I heard he’s making a third Thor movie. It’s like, do we really need three?

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Ah, yes we do, so shut up. I’d watch Chris in a thousand Thors as long as he has that big hard hammer. Am I right bitches?

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Aidy: We don’t really call each other that.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Hey Claire, can we talk about something?

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Oh, I know what we can talk about. You know how most Hollywood actors use makeup to define their abs? I heard not Chris Hemsworth. His abs are the real deal.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: I believe that. He is pretty ripped.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Uh, pretty? Try ‘very’.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: I heard he lost a lot of weight for that new movie, Dick movie though.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Could have fooled me. He still looks huge. He’s bigger than Dang Body John. No wonder Bobby Dick wants to eat him, he looks so freaking delicious.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Vanessa: You know who is actually super delicious? Liam Hemsworth.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Aidy: Oh, yeah. He’s definitely the hotter Hemsworth.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: [coughing] No way! No, Liam is gross. I heard he breast fed till he was four.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Vanessa: Where would you have heard that, Claire?

[Cut to everybody]

Claire: Oops, there goes my pesky bladder again. To the bathroom.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Okay, I’m sure now more than ever that our friend Claire is actually Chris Hemsworth in a dress and a wig.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: Why would Christ Hemsworth do this? He’s a very famous actor.

Aidy: I mean, that would make his insane!

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: You’re right. It’s definitely our friend Claire. You know, Claire from college or growing up or something.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: Oh, look, Claire got a text. [read’s Claire’s text] Hah! It’s from Robert Downey Jr.

Aidy: Girls, does Claire know Robert Downey Jr.?

Kate: Ah, here’s a better question. Does Claire exist?

[Cut to everybody. Claire comes back.]

Claire: I’m back bitches. Did you miss me bitches?

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Aidy: Okay, Claire. We have a question for you.

Kate: Claire, are you Chris Hemsworth in a wig and dress?

[Cut to everybody] [Claire is laughing, but stops in a moment]

Chris Hemsworth: I am.

[Chris Hemsworth takes his wig off.]

Everyone these days– Okay, I guess I just wanted to see if girls still liked me. Everyone these days keeps talking about Chris Pratt and Ryan Gosling and freaking Liam from the Hunger Games. I just needed to know. Does anyone still find little old C. Hemmy attractive. [Cut to everybody] Am I still a hunk.

Cecily: Of course, Chris.

Vanessa: You’re a hunk.

Kate: You’ll always be a hunk.

Aidy: No, this was bad and you’re weird now.

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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