Jay Pharoah
Kevin Hart
Marques
Kenan Thompson
[Strats with a video clip of streets of Bushwick, Brooklyn]
[Cut to three black young men at the hood.]
Jay: Yo! Who dat? Who dat?
Kevin: Wait! Who?
[Cut to Marques cycling]
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Kenan: Man, it’s just Marques, man!
Kevin: Yo! Wad up, Marques?
Kenan: Wad up, Kes?
Jay: Yo, it’s getting crazy out here.
Kevin: I told you I ran in the Ray today, right?
Kenan: Is that right?
Kevin: Yeah!
Kenan: What happened?
Kevin: So, I’m walking down Bushwick, right? I’m on my way to Martha’s
Jay: Your baby mother?
Kevin: Na, na, na. that new mayonnaise spot.
[Cut to Kevin walking into Martha’s Mayonnaise store.]
Jay: Yo, I heard about that.
[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: I read about it on donut food blog. It said that the garlic truffle was a must try, so I said, “Alright, let me try.”
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Kenan: Didn’t I show a movie spin class to Bushwick?
Kevin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Jay: Yeah! I was there last week.
[Cut to Kevin on gym cycle between two other ladies using gym cycles. Kevin is using cellphone.]
I texted you but you an’t text me back.
[Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: I was caught up. I had brunch with Carol.
[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: Wait, what Carol? Carol from project?
[Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: Na, na, na. Carol DeTec that I nanny for.
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Kevin: Oh, okay.
Kenan: Her kids went away on ski trip, you know what I’m saying? So, we just had a day together. Telling why and whatever. Had that brunch, went to shopping, got gelato.
Kevin: Let me tell you something. You be needing that bro. You know what I’m saying? The time, that ‘you time’.
Kenan: So, anyway, you seen Ray, then what happened?
Kevin: Oh, right. So, I’m with my bitches, right?
[Cut to Jay]
Jay: Come on, man! You ain’t got no bitches.
[Cut to Kevin and Kenan]
Kenan: Play you out, man.
Kevin: Why you tryina’ play me like I ain’t got like, 10 bitches man? My dog walking business is bubbling!
[Cut to Kevin walking the dogs.]
Kenan: Everybody in the hood know about your passion for K9.
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Kevin: Ay!
Kenan: Streets is talking, fam! That’s why you getting that bread right now.
Kevin: Let me tell you something. It ain’t even about that bread, bro. Man, I got love for them dogs. Love. I’d die for mine. [cut to Kevin] I knitted the sweaters for Christmas. [Cut to Kevin holding two dogs wearing Christmas red sweater and he is wearing the same sweater too.]
Kenan: That’s adorable.
Kevin: We all got matching sweaters man.
[cut to Jay]
Jay: I mean, that’s real talk, man! Coz it’s like, you know, when you doing something you love, you don’t even got the work no more. It’s not work no more.
[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: Heard that.
Jay: That’s how I feel about my parties.
[Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: Ayo! How was that last party?
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Jay: Oh, that last party was off the table, man.
[Cut to Jay in painting class drinking wine.]
It was drinking wine. Painting the landscapes. Various food, you know what I’m saying?
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Kevin: You have any Cheeses though?
Jay: Do we have Cheeses. You asking if we have any chee– [Cut to Jay] What else are you gonna compare with, air?
Kevin: You’re right.
[Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: Who went to it though?
[Cut to Jay]
Jay: Yo! The whole squad was in there. Big Tank, Sara, Smokie, Marative, D’Rock, Barbara. What’s the boy’s name?
Kevin: Bacwaf.
Jay: Bacwaf.
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Even Brit was there.
[Cut to Brit playing guitar and singing]
Brit: [singing] I’m in love with the Coco.
[Cut to Jay]
Jay: Yeah, listen. We was turned up.
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Kevin: Yo man, I missed that B.
Jay: Well, I sent you an Evite and everything. You ain’t even respond.
[cut to Kevin and Kenan]
Kenan: [laughing] Yo! This dude said Evite like it’s twothousandthree or something.
Kevin: [laughing] Yo!
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
So, stupid, yo! You sound stupid.
Jay: Okay.
Kevin: You a sad music. Here comes the sad man.
[Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: Word! You acting like somebody put gluten in your muffin or something.
[Cut to Jay]
Jay: Whatever, man!
[Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: Anyway! Back to the damn story.
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Kevin: Right. Right, right, right.
Kenan: We don’t bush away. You see Ray, and?
Kevin: I shot him.
[Cut to Kevin shooting somebody with his gun.]
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Jay: In front of the bitches and everything?
Kevin: Yeah!
[Cut to Kevin with the dogs holding a gun. Then he turns back and walks away with his dogs.]
[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]
Kenan: How was the mayonnaise?
Kevin: I didn’t get the mayonnaise. They trying to charge $8 for that shit.
Kenan: For mayonnaise?
Kevin: For mayonnaise. $8 for the mayonnaise.
Kenan: Come on, man!
[Kevin looks at someone.]
Kevin: Yo! Who dat? Who dat?
Kenan: Oh, that’s just Carama and his life partner. Wad up Caray?
Kevin: Wad up Magel?
Jay: It’s getting crazy out here.
[police siren]
Kevin: Yo, yo! Five, five, five.
[Jay, Kevin and Kenan split and walk in different directions.
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