Jen… Kate McKinnon
Sasheer Zamata
Dan… Taran Killam
Kenan Thompson
Chris Hemsworth
Cecily Strong
[Starts with a Christmas decorated house. Three couples are singing together.]
[The singing finishes]
Jen: Great job, guys.
Sasheer: We still got it.
Dan: This is too fun.
Kenan: Yeah, great party you guys. You two are the best hosts.
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Chris: Oh, that reminds me, would anyone like a date with bacon wrapped around it?
[Cut to everybody]
All: Oh, absolutely.
Chris: Great! Now, I’m gonna make those for next year. Alright, what do we sing next?
Dan: Um, Carol of the bells.
Kenan: Rudolf is fun.
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Cecily: How about Debra’s Time?
Chris: Honey, that’s a great idea.
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan]
Jen: I don’t think I know that song.
Sasheer: Hmm, I don’t know that song. What about ‘Oh, holy night’?
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Cecily: No, let’s do Debra’s Time.
Chris: Oh yes. Debra’s time is great.
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan]
Dan: I don’t think anybody knows that.
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Cecily: Let’s do Debra’s Time.
Chris: Great! Everybody ready?
[Cut to everybody]
Jen: I’m sorry, what song are we dong?
Cecily: Oh you’ll recognize it. Let’s just try it.
Dan: Okay.
Chris: Oh, wait, wait. Um, just turn off the lamp, Dan. Please.
[Dan turns off the lamp.
[Cut to Chris and Cecily. Chris starts playing the piano beautifully.]
[Chris and Cecily look very emotional]
Cecily: [singing] Checkbooks all are balanced,
Christmas bonus cleared
Ah! Relax Debra!
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan. They are confused.]
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Cecily: [singing] Christmas lights all tangled
exactly as I fear
Ah!
[Cecily stands up and Chris starts playing piano louder]
What did I think?
Get the presents,
do the wrapping
get the ribbons
do the packing
somehow you are
always lacking
always lacking
always lacking
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan. They are confused.]
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Oh god, Debra! When are you gonna stop this?
Quiet! Quiet!
[Cut to everybody.]
Chris: [pointing at Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan] [whispering] Go, go.
Sasheer: Go what?
Cecily: Jen, you missed your part.
Sasheer: I did?
Chris: Yeah, I pointed you. Why didn’t you guys all come in?
Kenan: We have no idea what the song is.
Sasheer: We all know ‘Silent Night’. Why don’t we just sing that?
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Chris: I don’t know Silent Night.
Cecily: Um, my husband doesn’t know Silent Night, and he knows everything, so…
Chris: Listen, you guys have to know thI is song. It’s a Broadway standard.
Jen: Well, what show is it from?
Cecily: It’s Christmas After All by Keith and Barry William.
Chris: Look, the show wasn’t all that great, but Debra’s Time was amazing. They use it in like, every commercial.
Cecily: Yea, yea, yea. Smuckers is the one, you guys probably know.
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan]
Kenan: Yeah, I just don’t.
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Chris: Well, hang in there. You’ll know in a minute. Dan, turn off one more lamp please.
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan]
Dan: It’s getting very dark.
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Chris: Yes, Dan, I know. That’s the way I wanted, that’s why I said do it please. Thank you. Everyone knows this part.
[Cut to everybody. Chris stars playing the piano and Cecily walks forward dramatically.]
Cecily: [singing] Presents have been opened
Chris: And Debra’s moving on
Cecily: The holiday’s so numb
Chris: And Mark has come and gone
[Chris starts playing the piano louder]
Or have I?
Cecily: Mark? What are you doing here?
Chris: I came back for you.
Dan: What’s happening? Who is Mark?
Kenan: He’s involved with Debra, I guess.
Cecily: No, I can’t do this.
Chris: Debra, this could work. Just put your suitcase down.
Cecily: [singing] I’m not ready
Chris: Just hold steady
Chris and Cecily: Mark comes back and Debra’s cracking, smack!
Cecily: That’s when Debra hits Mark.
Chris: Smack! That’s when Mark hits her back.
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan looking annoyed.]
Kenan: What?
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Cecily: Why are we doing this to each other?
Chris: Because we’re freaking falling in love. Do you guys know where we are in the song now?
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan]
Dan: [yelling] No! I can’t even tell when you’re you or when you’re Debra and Mark.
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Cecily: Oh, thank you. Honey!
Chris: Okay, okay. Maybe this will help. All the guys do this.
Debra, Debra, Debra, Debra
[Cut to Jen, Sasheer, Dan and Kenan]
Guys: Debra, Debra, Debra, Debra
Cecily: And girls do this.
It’s Debra’s Time. It’s Debra’s Time, at last..
[Cut to everybody]
Guys: Debra, Debra, Debra, Debra
Girls: It’s Debra’s Time. It’s Debra’s Time, at last..
Cecily: Jen, go out tone.
Jen: Got it!
Guys: Debra, Debra, Debra, Debra
Girls: It’s Debra’s Time. It’s Debra’s Time, at last..
Cecily: Big finish.
All: Don’t let it go too fast
Debra, Debra, Debra, Debra’s Time
Hah! Right back where we started. Smack!
Dan: Oh my god! I do remember.
Sasheer: I knew it from that Smacker’s commercial. Of course.
Kenan: I wanna see the Broadway show.
Jen: Is it running right now?
[Cut to Chris and Cecily]
Chris: Of course it’s running. It’s always running.
Cecily: You know what? It’s only 6:30. If we leave right now, we could all see it.
[Cut to everybody]
Jen: Um, it’s snowing pretty hard.
Chris: Then I’ll drive even faster.
[Cut to a car slipping over the snow and people inside yelling]
[The End]
