Cinema Classics Their Own League

Reese De’What… Kenan Thompson

Coach… Taran Killam

Katty… Venessa Bayer

Cecily Strong

Kate McKinnon

Bobby Moynihan

Aidy Bryant

Taraji P. Henson

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Cinema Classics intro]

Male voice: You’re watching Cinema Classics on PBS.

[Cut to Reese De’What in his set]

Reese De’What: Good evening and welcome to Cinema Classics. I am Reese D’What? The Natural, Field of Dreams, movie celebrating America’s past time have inspired and entertained audiences for decades. Sadly tonight’s film entitled, “Their Own League” is a forgotten example of the genre. Why is it forgotten? I do not know. This is not why I’m here. I’m not a good guesser. Ask my wife. She recently asked me to guess what she was going to do to me in bed. And I said, “I don’t know. Let me be.” Let us take a look at a scene from “Their Own League”.

[Cut to a scene from the movie] [Cut to a coach yelling at his players. The players are females.]

Coach: You dang girls. How am I supposed to coach this team with nothing but a bunch of dang girls.

[Katty stands before Coach and wipes her tears]

Are you sobbing? There is no sobbing in baseball! This is pathetic. I’m gonna go drink Coca-cola that still has cocaine in it.

[Coach leaves. Cecily walks to Katty]

Cecily: Hey, don’t let him get you down, Katty. He’s just a big old bully.

Katty: Maybe he’s right. Maybe girls shouldn’t play baseball.

[Kate walks in]

Kate: Of course he’s not right.

[Cut to Bobby and Aidy]

Bobby: Yeah, we should be aloud.

Aidy: Yeah, we can play this game as well as any man.

[Cut to Katty, Cecily and Kate]

Katty: You mean it?

Cecily: I sure do! Now say it! Women can play baseball.

Katty: Women can play baseball.

[Cut to Bobby and Aidy]

Bobby: Women can play baseball.

Aidy: Women can play baseball.

[Taraji walks in. She is wearing very lady-like dress and a hat.]

Taraji: So, can I play baseball?

[Everyone looks at her not wanting to answer the question] [Cut to Taraji]

What? What is it?

[Cut to Katty, Cecily and Kate]

Cecily: It’s just–

Kate: We kind of already have the woman thing. You know? Don’t really want to complicate it.

[Cut to Taraji]

Taraji: Oh, I get it. It’s coz I’m black.

[Cut to Katty, Cecily and Kate]

Cecily: No, no. It’s not that.

[Cut to Taraji]

Taraji: Then what is it?

[Cut to Katty, Cecily and Kate]

Cecily: No, it’s that.

Katty: People are actually pretty ticked that we are doing it. Imagine if… you know it.

[Cut to Taraji]

Taraji: I– I don’t know.

[Cut to Bobby and Aidy]

Bobby: Darling, face it. It’s coz you’re not a classic beauty like the rest of us.

Aidy: No, no.

[Cut to Katty, Cecily and Kate]

Katty: That’s not it.

Kate: Look, we’re gonna pave the way for black women in professional baseball. But it’s gonna take time.

Cecily: Yeah, yeah. Come on, you know the plan. Like, first white women are allowed to play baseball. Then black men are allowed to play. Then all women are allowed to play under hand with a big softball like a child.

[Cut to Bobby, Aidy and Taraji]

Bobby: Yeah. That’s a good plan.

[Leslie walks in. She is tall and looks more athletic.]

Leslie: What about me? Can I play?

[Cut to Katty, Cecily and Kate]

Cecily: Oh, this blows coz we can really use her in our team.

[Cut to Bobby, Aidy, Taraji and Leslie]

Aidy: Yeah, forget about the team. We could use her in the war.

Bobby: Yeah, send her overseas to kill some crouts.

[Cut to Taraji and Leslie]

Leslie: So, You saying I could play?

[Cut to Katty, Cecily and Kate]

Kate: Okay, okay. Here’s the thing. While our husbands are away, we are the racists.

[Cut to Taraji and Leslie

Taraji: Look, ladies. Whether you like it or not, black, white, we are all women. And we’re all in this together.

[Cut to Katty, Cecily and Kate]

Cecily: hey, maybe she’s right, girls. Maybe they should be allowed to play.

[Cut to everybody]

Taraji: Really?

Cecily: Yeah!

Girls: Yeah!

[Coach walks in]

Coach: Alright! Listen up. I got some good news. The war’s over. The men are coming home, so get off the dang field and never come back!

[Cut to Reese De’What]

Reese De’What: Sadly, Their Own League never made it to theaters as it was sued for copyright infringement by the makers of ‘A League Of Their Own’, which came out two years earlier. Youch! For Cinema Classics, I have been Reese D’What?

[The end]