Connectatron

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Xandar… Taran Killam

Dutch… Bobby Moynihan

Evelyn… Cecily Strong

Dante… Jay Pharoah

Mevis… Taraji P. Henson

[Starts with Connectatron intro] [Cut to a half shark half dinosaur monster destroying the city. It’s a resemblance of Power Rangers.] [Cut to Xandar wearing red suit]

Xandar: Oh, no! Zelda used his grow magic of that Shark-a-saur. Now, it’s destroying downtown.

[Cut to Dutch wearing yellow suit]

Dutch: He just crushed my favorite Hogi shop. Let me have him.

[Cut to Evelyn wearing pink suit]

Evelyn: It’s no use. Our ships are so weak against him.

[Cut to Dante wearing blue suit]

Dante: You all thinking what I’m thinking?

[Cut to the Tronners]

Xandar: Tronners, time to connect! Forming head and torso. Evelyn, attach right arm.

Evelyn: Comes up to that.

Xandar: Dante, attach left arm.

Dante: Happy to lend a hand.

Xandar: Dutch, attach right leg.

Dutch: You can lean on me.

Xandar: Mevis, attach left leg.

Mevis: No.

Xandar: Mevis, we need you to form Connectatron.

Mevis: I’m not stopping you.

Xandar: No, you literally are. We can’t move without you.

Dante: Shark-a-saur is attacking.

[Cut to Shark-a-saur attacking one legged Connectatron]

Xandar: Mevis, please! Please help us. Tell us what happened?

Mevis: Ask Dutch.

Dutch: What did I do?

Mevis: Why don’t you tell everybody what happened in the hallway?

Dutch: I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.

Mevis: You bumped me and I spilled kombucha on my jacket.

Xandar: Dutch! Just apologize!

Dutch: Boy! I’m sorry!

Xandar: Okay, great! Attach left leg.

Mevis: Excuse me? Xander! Don’t you shout, coz you know you… hitting this thing.

[Other Tronners are laughing]

Xandar: Baby. please.

Mevis: Oh! So, now I’m baby when Shark-a-saur is winning.

Dante: Shield’s down to 15%. Hurry!

Xandar: Mevis. Please! Attach, we can’t do this without you.

Mevis: Let me control the head.

Xandar: Mevis, the cosmic being entrusted me with the responsibility–

Mevis: I’m not asking the cosmic being. I’m asking you baby! Let me control the head.

Dante: 2%!

Xandar: Okay, fine!

Mevis: Attaching!

[Cut to Shark-a-saur and Connectatron. Connectatron is now standing well.] [Cut to Xandar. Mevis walks in and takes his chair.]

Alright, it’s on now! Take my rings off to whip your ass!

[Cut to Shark-a-saur and Connectatron. Connectatron beats Shark-a-saur.] [The end]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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