Dinner Date

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Venessa Bayer

Jin… Kenan Thompson

Judy… Dwayne Johnson

Jemma… Cecily Strong

Waiter… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Venessa and Jin having dinner together at a restaurant]

Venessa: Jin, this dinner was amazing. What a perfect anniversary.

Jin: Oh, anything for you sweetheart.

[Judy and Jemma walk to Venessa and Jin]

Judy: Oh, ho! Oh, my god! Jin, this is crazy! You recognize me?

[Cut to Judy and Jemma]

This is nuts. I feel like just got F-ed in my brain without protection.

[Cut to Venessa and Jin]

Jin: Uh, yeah, I’m sorry. I’m having trouble placing you.

[Cut to Judy and Jemma]

Judy: Judy Duty. Remember? We sent that guy to the chair together.

[Cut to Venessa and Jin]

Jin: Oh, yeah.

Venessa: You sent a guy to the chair?

Jin: Well, I didn’t want to. I just needed it to end.

[Cut to everybody]

Judy: Ay, can we join you? Oh, we should. Oh, by the way, this is my girlfriend, Jemma. She’s British. Ay, but don’t get a boner when she talks, huh?

Jemma: [in British accent] Babe, don’t tuck me out so much. I’m Jemma. Okay, babe, let’s sit. I’m so hungry.

Judy: Scoot over lady. You got pretty of space. I don’t want to crunch him in and pop the bones back out your back.

Jemma: Okay, gross! Picturing you like that.

Judy: Oh, I’m sorry babe. I’m such a big bag of freaking meat balls. Ay, did I introduce you to my girl?

Jemma: Hi, I’m Jemma.

Venessa: Yes, we did this.

Judy: Yeah, yeah. She’s British. Tell em’ who you used to date.

Jemma: Footballers.

Judy: Isn’t that hot? Footballers. Makes you think about what she might do with her foot to you boy. Isn’t that right, Jin?

Jin: Um…

Jemma: Babe! I want some nibble. Get some babe.

Judy: Oh, she means apps. She says nibbles. Hey, say it again.

Jemma: Nibbles.

Judy: A-ha-ha-ha. I’m as hard as a door knob right now. You know what I mean? You Jin? How about you?

[Cut to Venessa and Jin]

Jin: Umm… um…

Venessa: You’re not hard, are you Jin?

[Cut to everybody]

Judy: Well, we need the apps. Where is the app guy? Where is the guy? The apps guy. We’re starving.

Jemma: Nibbles.

[Cut to Venessa and Jin]

Venessa: We’re actually just finishing dessert and we were about to head home.

[Cut to everybody]

Judy: Yeah, it’s a bone, right? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ain’t that right, Jin?

Jin: Um, possibly.

Jemma: Nibbles. I want nibbles now.

[Cut to Judy and Jemma]

Judy: Ay, you guys have heard about onion rings? You gonna love em’.

[Waiter comes by]

Ay, you! How much are the onion rings? Like 25 cents a ring, right?

Waiter: We don’t really do it that way.

Jemma: Let’s get 200s.

Judy: Ha-ha. Babe, that’s like $800.

Jemma: Yeah, we can split it with them.

[Cut to Venessa and Jin]

Venessa: Oh, no.

Jin: No.

[Cut to Judy, Jemma and Waiter]

Judy: Ay, yeah. Cool. Give me 200 onion rings, split it four ways. And quick checking out my girlfriend’s rack, hah!

Waiter: Okay.

Jemma: Babe, knock it off. [Cut to everybody] Quit being a mob.

Judy: She’s being shy. Isn’t that great? Is your’s shy? What’s her name?

Venessa: My name is–

Judy: No, no, no, no. I asked him. Ay, is she shy?

[Cut to Judy and Jemma]

Jemma: Don’t be shy. Women have to stand out girl power.

Judy: Ay, my girl likes your girl. They should be best friends now, right? Hey, do you wanna be best friends with that girl?

Jemma: Yeah, I really think so.

Judy: Jin, are you crazy stiff right now? I mean, that’s our girlfriends right. They’re like, best friends.

[Cut to Venessa and Jin]

Venessa: You guys, it has been great running into you. But–

[Cut to Judy and Jemma]

Judy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, you know what? She’s a singer.

Jemma: I’m a singer. I’ve got a song called banana.

Judy: It’s a crazy hot club song. Imagine the track in the background.

[Judy starts banging on the sofa and Jemma starts singing.]

Jemma: [singing] Going out with my girls tonight

having fun with my girls tonight

big banana, long banana, short banana, white banana

let’s get bananas

five, four, three, two, banana.

[Cut to Venessa and Jin] Judy: Wow, how good was that?

[Cut to Judy and Jemma]

Judy: If you don’t have a boner right now, you should just kill yourself.

[Cut to Venessa and Jin]

Jin: Nah, I’m good.

Venessa: Does that mean you have one?

[Cut to everybody. Waiter brings in the onion rings in a huge tray.]

Judy: Whoa! Hang on here. Hang on.! Who is this guy? Who is this guy looking at us like this?

Waiter: I’m your waiter. Remember? You just ordered 200 onion rings.

[Waiter puts the tray on the table]

Judy: You know what? I think you wanna kiss my girlfriend right in front of me. Like, I’m the joke of the day. I’ve got something for you. Come here.

[Judy pulls Waiter byhis collar and smashes his head on the table. Waiter faints.]

Jemma: Babe, is this an onion ring? That’s not what I thought. I don’t like this. It’s like, all onion. I can’t have onion.

Judy: Oh, well now what?

Jemma: Let’s give them to her.

[Cut to Venessa an Jin]

Jin: Yeah, she’ll eat em’.

Venessa: What?

[Cut to Judy and Jemma]

Judy: Yeah, yeah. We’ll just all hang out while she eats all these onion rings. And then when she’s done, then we’ll all leave.

Jemma: [clapping] Eat em’. Eat em’ up!

[Cut to everybody

Jin: Yeah. Start eating please.

[Venessa eats one onion ring]

Jemma: One! [claps] [Venessa eats another onion ring]

Two! [claps] [cheers and applause]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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