Dino Bones


Taran Killam

Cecily Strong

Kenan Thompson

Scarlett Johansson

Pete Davidson

Venessa Bayer

[Starts with a museum. Taran is touring few people.]

Taran: Now, in this room, we’ll see the famous Tyrannosaurus Rex. Now, while the T-Rex had over 60 razor sharp teeth, you can tell by the length of his arms, he wasn’t brushing em’ very often. [laughs] [Cut to the visitors]

Cecily: Okay, that’s random.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Um, now before we move on, are there any questions?

[Cut to the visitors]

Kenan: Um, I have a question. How fast can a T-Rex run?

Scarlett: That’s random

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Well, the recent estimates put the T-Rex at between 15 and 25 MPH.

[Cut to the visitors]

Scarlett: Random.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Okay. [laughs] Um, are there any other questions?

[Cut to the visitors]

Cecily: I have a question. What if we put a big giant fake turd underneath the dino so it looks like he just took a huge crap? That will be hilarious because everyone would be like, “Okay!”

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Um… Yeah! [laughs] I guess he would. [laughs] Not really sure that was a question.

[Cut to the visitors]

Pete: Hey, um, where were these particular bones discovered?

Cecily: Random!

Scarlett: I have a question. What if we put the dino’s skull under his tail so it looks like he craps right on his head?

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: I… don’t know answer to that.

[Cut to the visitors]

Scarlett: I do. Everyone would be like, “Okay!”

Cecily: Nice! That’s exactly my sense of humor.

Venessa: I have a question.

Scarlett: Random.

Venessa: It’s not. Why did they believe that T-Rex went extinct?

Cecily: Asked the most random girl.

Venessa: Shut up!

Cecily: I think I’m gonna like you. I’m gonna sit by you later.

Venessa: Sit by me where?

Cecily: What if we put dino footprints going to the bathroom? People would be like, “Um, is the dino taking a crap? Okay!”

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Um, I’ll just say it now. We’re not gonna rearrange the dinosaurs in any way today.

[Cut to the visitors]

Kenan: Well, I heard that the dinosaurs may actually have been multi-colored and covered in feathers.

Scarlett: Okay, weirdo! Party of what?

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Um, no! That is actually a great question.

[Cut to the visitors]

Cecily: Here’s your menu. The specials are, you’re-insane-burger.

Scarlett: With a side of random fries.

Kenan: Okay, these guys are killing me. I am honestly like, 4-5 seconds from wilding.

Scarlett: You know how you said the dinos were all named Megasaurus or whatever.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: I never said that.

[Cut to the visitors]

Scarlett: What if we named one of the dinos, ‘Alex’ and everyone was like, “Um, okay. So, I guess that just happened!”

Cecily: Oh, ding it! I should have said my name was Sam Crab. Then everybody would be like, “Okay!”

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: You never gave any name.

[Cut to the visitors]

Cecily: Oh, then my name is Sam Crab.

Scarlett: Okay.

Kenan: Now, I’m like 2-3 seconds from wilding.

Cecily: What if each of these dino bones were just like a random dino. Everybody are gonna be like, “Okay, that’s normal. Moving on. That’s random. Um, that happened. Oh, so that just happened!”

Venessa: No, they wouldn’t. No one would be like that.

Cecily: Oh, you’ve got a little bitch in you.

Scarlett: I adore that.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Look, I’m sorry but you and your friend are ruining this for everyone.

[Cut to the visitors]

Cecily: Friend?

Scarlett: I came here alone.

Cecily: As did I.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: You don’t know her?

[Cut to the visitors]

Scarlett: We’re just two separate people who came here randomly.

Kenan: That’s it! Two, one, I’m wilding! Ah!

[Kenan starts wilding]

Taran: Ah! Everyone out! He’s wilding!

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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Mr. RANDOM, "Party Of One"
Mr. RANDOM, "Party Of One"
3 years ago

OK, so you spelt Vanessa “Venessa” RANDOM (also it’s “party of one” not “party of what”)

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