Brecky… Venessa Bayer
Cecily Strong
Don Juan… Chris Hemsworth
[Starts with Brecky in her set of the commercial]
[slow music playing]
Brecky: Marvelous.
[Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: Magnificance.
[Cut to Brecky]
Brecky: Ramjor.
[Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: Spectacu-lable.
[Cut to Brecky and Cecily]
Brecky and Cecily: The impossi-ves. [The subtitle reads Dolce&Gabbana] Dolki and Gababa.
Cecily: All this attractiveness of a debolutating fragrace.
Brecky: You’re gonna feel like a $7.
Brecky and Cecily: With Dolki and Gababa.
Brecky: Hi, we aren’t porn stars anymore. I am Brecky.
Cecily: And I’m supposed to be dead.
Brecky and Cecily: Shhh!
Brecky: And we’re not porn stars anymore. But that doesn’t mean we can’t smell a great deal when we snort it off of mirror.
[Don Juan comes in a scooter]
Don Juan: Did someone say, “What’s that smell?”
Brecky and Cecily: No, no, no. Please go.
Don Juan: Nope?
[Don Juan leaves]
Brecky: Other perfumes are just for breeze and fancy jars. Adios sea ghost!
Cecily: I rimmed a donkey.
Brecky: Dolki Gababa is like obsession by Kevin Klein. But you can drink it. And it’s perfect for occasions like, disappearance.
Cecily: Old person.
Brecky: Mistress at funeral.
Cecily: House warming porno.
Brecky: And, disease free for now.
Cecily: I’ll guarantee it, you’ll feel like you’re as wealthy as the salt in brown eye.
Brecky: You’ll think you’re one of the royals like Kate Middleton. Plus, it’s got– what’s that thing when you press it and it sprays out?
Cecily: Prostate.
Brecky: No. It holds all the liquid.
Cecily: Mouth.
Brecky: Bottle.
Cecily: Oh, right. Bottle.
[Don Juan comes in a scooter]
Don Juan: Did someone say, “What’s that smell?”
Brecky and Cecily: Not yet. Please go.
[Don Juan leaves]
With Dolki Gababa.
Cecily: One time, I got banged back in time. And a cave man banged me back to the future. I was like, “I guess I can save 15% more. Thanks, lizard.
Brecky: One time, I thought I banged Julius Caesar, but it was actually little Ceasars. Pizza, pizza!
Cecily: One time, I got banged to the kite on top of a building during lightning storm. I was like, “Hey, you’re not bumping them. Okay.”
[Don Juan passes by in a scooter]
Don Juan: Did someone say, “What’s that smell?”
Brecky and Cecily: Where did he go?
[Don Juan comes in]
Cecily: Come in.
Don Juan: Hey there. I’m Don Juan Dar Dark Hole. Now, I’m American but after my manhood was torn off in a recumbent bicycle, they had to replace it with wiener from a Spanish dude. But relax, he was already dead. Now, I speak English but my downstairs neighbor, he speaks ‘I-blow-a-espanol’. So get this, I can do bilingual pornos such as Spanklish, Penis Labyrinth, Pricky Christina Bone-Alone-A, and Y Tu Mama Y Tu Papa Y tu circus clown Amigo Tambien.
Cecily: Tell em’ about the price.
Brecky: Yes.
Don Juan: Oh, right, right. Yeah. So, trust me, having some none original parts down there, I know about the importance of hygiene. And that’s why I reach for [subtitle reads Dolce&Gabbana] Douche and Go-banana. It’s like a senate candle for your sweaty mandle. Or an oat eater for your special little Peter.
Cecily: No, no, no, no.
Brecky: Stop it.
Don Juan: So, grab some Douche and Go-bananas today. So, when your special someone asks, “Hey, what’s that smell?” you can tell them.
Brecky and Cecily: It’s something dying in me.
Brecky, Don Juan and Cecily: Dolki Gababa.
