Easter Hotline

5
(1)

Sasheer Zamata

Grandmother… Cecily Strong, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones

Matthew… Kyle Mooney

David, Thomas… Taran Killam

Grandfather… Michael Keaton

[Starts with Sasheer talking]

Sasheer: It’s been a long lonely winter and you’re dying to connect with someone new. Well, we know the perfect woman ready to take you call. she can’t wait to talk. So this Easter, why not try calling?

[Cut to Grandmother]

Your grandmother. Your grandmother is standing by ready to talk all day long.

[phone ringing] [Grandmother picks up the phone]

Grandmother: Hello.

[Cut to split screen of Matthew and Grandmother]

Matthew: Nana, it’s Matthew.

Grandmother: Who is this?

Matthew: It’s Matthew.

Grandmother: What is this for?

Matthew: For talking. It’s your grandson.

Grandmother: I can’t talk. I’m waiting for my grandson to call. Bye-bye.

[Grandmother hangs up the phone.]

Matthew: What?

[Cut to Sasheer]

Sasheer: Oh, yeah. YOu didn’t know what was happening. So, call your grandmother today.

[Cut to another grandmother] Because she woke up at four:thirty to go to the pharmacy, and she is totally free. For you.

[phone ringing] [Grandma picks up the phone] [Cut to split screen of Grandma and David]

Grandma: Hello?

David: Hi, grandma.

Grandma: Oh, David, hi. David, did you get the birthday package I sent you?

David: Um, no I did not.

Grandma: Oh, shoot. I sent it to fortysix Aderson Drive, East Rutherford, New Jersey.

David: Well, that’s not my address grandma. I don’t know whose address that is.

Grandma: Okay. Well, they might be spoiled by the time they get to you. It’s fifty pears.

David: Why?

[Cut to Sasheer]

Sasheer: Um! That’s a lot of pears. So call your grandma tonight. It couldn’t be easier. Watch. [Sasheer dials a number] [Cut to split screen of Sasheer and her grandmother.]

Hi grandma.

Sasheer’s grandma: Hello?

Sasheer: Hello.

Sasheer’s grandma: Do those jeans fit you baby? If they don’t fit you, you know you can ship them back to me and I could take them back.

Sasheer: They fit fine.

Sasheer’s grandma: I mean, I could go right back to KMart and get another pair if they dont–

Sasheer: They fit fine grandma. Thank you.

[Sasheer hangs up the phone.]

They don’t fit. In fact, look how bad they are.

[Cut to full body of Sasheer. The jeans have Micky and Minnie mouse printed on it.]

So call your grandmother and if you’re feeling really adventurous, why not talk to your grandfather? He is outside but he will come in just for you.

[Cut to Thomas talking to Grandpa on the phone]

Grandpa: Ay, there he is.

Thomas: Hi, Grams.

Grandpa: Hey, how’s your best friend Thomas?

Thomas: Um, he was my best friend in kindergarten grandpa.

Grandpa: I love him, Thomas. I love that kid. Does he still like trees?

Thomas: I don’t know, grandpa.

Grandpa: Ay, remember that time I walked in you two and you both had your penises out?

Thomas: Oh, my god!

[Cut to Sasheer]

Sasheer: And why not spice things up by talking at the exact same time with him for the entire rest of the phone call?

[Cut to David talking to Grandpa on the phone]

David: So, how are–

Grandpa: So, what’s new?

David: Yeah. nothing–

Grandpa: I’m fine, you?

David: I’m good grandpa. I’m jus–

Grandpa: I’m fine, how are you?

David: How’s the house–

Grandpa: Ay, did you hear about David?

David: I’m David!

[Cut to Sasheer]

Sasheer: What a mess! So, this Easter, call your grandmother and your grandfather

[Cut to Grandma and Grandpa talking to David]

Grandpa: Tell David I got that shower radio.

Grandma: Your grandpa like, got a shower radio.

David: Oh, cool.

Grandpa: What did he say?

Grandma: He said that’s cool. Oh, my god. The geese are back. Hold on.

[Grandma passes the phone to Grandpa]

Grandpa: Hey, oh god. David, we gotta deal with the geese. Hold on.

[David leaves the phone hanging]

Grandma: Come on here!

Grandpa: I am here. Get off the rod.

Grandma: Go!

Grandpa: Why did these geese love these house?

David: Hello?

[Cut to Sasheer]

Sasheer: So, take a deep breath and call your grandparents today. You know the number, because it hasn’t changed your entire life.

[cheers and applause]

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 5 / 5. Vote count: 1

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments