Aidy Bryant
Reese Witherspoon
Taran Killam
Kyle Mooney
Kate McKinnon
Bobby Moynihan
Leslie Jones
Beck Bennett
Cecily Strong
Aidy: Good afternoon and welcome to Woodbridge High School Student Theatre Showcase.
Reese: Written and directed by us, the students.
[Cut to the audience clapping] [Cut to Aidy and Reese]Aidy: Now, today’s show isn’t just a show. It’s also a seed.
Reese: A seed that will sprout change in our town and hopefully the whole world.
Aidy: And now, without further due, please enjoy the pulse of progress, heart beat of change.
[music playing] [the light dims and other student members enter the stage] [The lights are on again. Taran is sitting on a box while others are looking at him.]Kyle: The time, now. The place, any high school in America.
Reese: [pointing at Taran]Who is that guy?
Aidy: He’s weird.
Kate: He’s a nerd.
Reese: He’ll never be anything.
Kyle: But what happens if we fast forward thirty years?
Kate: Who’s that guy?
Reese: He is… the President.
[music playing] [the light dims and students are rearranging the boxes on the stage.] [Cut to Bobby and Leslie in the audience]Bobby: Your daughter’s really good.
Leslie: She is my step daughter, and no, she’s not!
[Cut to the stage] [The lights are on again. Everyone are standing behind the boxes but Aidy.]Aidy: [gesturing typing on computer] Check out this new dress I got.
Everybody: [gesturing typing on computer] Like, like, like, like, like.
Aidy: I had a rough day today. Feeling kind of sad.
Everybody: [gesturing typing on computer] Like, like, like, like, like.
Aidy: I need some help. I think I’m depressed.
Everybody: [gesturing typing on computer] Like, like, like, like, like.
Taran: [walking towards Aidy] Next time, don’t like. Love!
Leslie: Oh, no! You’re gonna be in the play, aren’t you?
Beck: Um, no! I’m just a regular audience, guys!
Leslie: No, you’re not! You’re sitting too far forward. You just gonna suck!
[Cut to the stage] [The lights are on again. Everyone are posing around the boxes.]Kate: How many times a day do you judge a book by it’s cover? [Kate jumps to Kyle] Excuse me, sir. Are you homeless?
Kyle: No, I’m just cold. I’m very rich.
Everybody: Wow!
[Kate walks to Reese]Kyle: Excuse me ma’am. Are you rich?
Reese: No, I just have good posture. I’m homeless.
Everybody: Wow!
Kyle: Audience member, are you enjoying the play?
[Cut to Bobby, Leslie and Beck]Leslie: Here we go.
Beck: Actually, I’m not an audience member. I’m in the play.
[Cut to the stage]Everybody: Wow!
[music playing] [the light dims and students are rearranging the boxes on the stage.] [Cut to Bobby and Leslie]Leslie: Who is this play for?
Bobby: The program says that it is dedicated to John Lenon and Shonda Rhimes.
[Cut to the stage] [The lights are on again. Everyone is sitting.]Aidy: Whisper. Whisper.
Everybody: [following Aidy] Whisper. Whisper. Whisper. Whisper. Whisper. Whisper. Shout!
[music playing] [the light dims and students are rearranging the boxes on the stage.] [Cut to Bobby and Leslie]Leslie: How long have they been rehearsing this?
Bobby: Every single day for a year.
[Cut to the stage] [The lights are on again. Everyone is standing.]Taran: Did you hand in that paperwork?
Reese: Yes!
Everybody: Rush! Rush! Stress! Stress!
Kyle: Did you finish those files?
Reese: Yes!
Everybody: [louder] Rush! Rush! Stress! Stress!
Aidy: Did you see your daughter’s first steps?
Reese: No.
Reese: Yes!
Everybody: [slowly] Rush! Rush! Stress! Stress!
[music playing] [the light dims and students are rearranging the boxes on the stage.] [Cut to Bobby and Leslie]Bobby: I mean, is no one supervising this? I mean where is their teacher?
[Cecily leans towards Bobby’s ear from behind]Cecily: Trust me. I made cuts.
[Cecily smokes and leans back.] [Cut to the stage] [The lights are on again. Everyone is sitting on the boxes.]Aidy: Bang!
Reese: Bang!
Kyle: Bang!
Kate: Bang!
Beck: Bang!
Taran: Bang!
[Everyone stands up]Aidy: And guess what?
Everybody: We were black.
[music playing] [the light dims and students are rearranging the boxes on the stage.] [Cut to Bobby and Leslie]Leslie: [standing] Yeah, I’m not okay with that.
[Cut to the stage] [Everybody bowing down]Aidy: Thank you. It is now time for a brief intermission during which we will all be laying on stage asleep like our congress
Reese: Feel free to come up here and look at us up close.
[the student performers pretend that they’re asleep] [Leslie walks in front of the stage]Leslie: Man, screw this. I’m going home to watch Judge Judy.
[The End]