Elizabeth Banks
Kate McKinnon
Vanessa Bayer
Aidy Bryant
Cecily Strong
[Starts with five women’s music video intro. They’re all wearing white outfits.]
Elizabeth: Hey, boys. We love all of you. But this song is for a few special men.
Kate: The ones who ignited our flames.
Vanessa: Who opened our eyes.
Aidy: And who first taught us how to be truly horny.
Cecily: [singing] I was in seventh grade, watching Tiara
when I had a feeling I had never felt
It was Carson Daily in normal jeans
and the blackest nails I had ever seen
I got up on the couch
and I knocked my first one out
Kate: 1996, I first heard about
started getting sweaty in my thermal top
Dala Hanslin’s lips and his long blonde hair
the most gorgeous woman anywhere
and that’s how I could tell
that I was gay as hell
All: You let the spark inside of me
you let my teeny tiny boobies free
yeah, we never met and we never will
but I thank you still coz I first got horny to you
Elizabeth: My guy was hot as hell, a real authority
it was Mr. Sheful from the Nanny
he was so refined, it made me insane
but I still don’t know that actor’s name
I look him up on my phone
just a second we’re alone
[music stops. Elizabeth is looking for him on her phone and all the other girls are watching.]
Charles Johnassy
Girls: Oh! Hmm…
[music begins]
Vanessa: Okay now, it’s me, mine is pretty bad
its those guys who kill their mom and dad
and the Mendez brothers, they were cute and young
I think Eric was the hotter one
Elizabeth: Vanessa, this is on TV
Vanessa: Oh right! Then I’ll say JTT.
All: You let the spark inside of me
you were my porn in 1993
and I never saw you without a shirt
but it still works, coz I first got horny to you
Aidy: I came alive back in 94, I felt for a carnivore
that’s right, the hunting son from dinosaur
I would sit on my hands and scoop
to a man in a lizard suit
All: You let the spark inside of me
other time just for me
I was on pillow put it down
and just go to tell when I first got horny to you
Kate: So horny, yeah!
All: When I first got horny to you
coz I first got horny to you
[Cut to the dinosaur opening his dinosaur mask in front of Aidy. He is so old that Aidy starts screaming out of fear.]
[The End]
