Cecily Strong
Dakota Johnson
Bobby Moynihan
Margo… Aidy Bryant
[Starts with a three interns in an office]Cecily: Oh, my god! I can’t wait until this internship is over.
Dakota: I know. I need it to be summer now. This has literally been the worst winter ever.
Cecily: Urgh! I can’t even.
Dakota: It’s literally not possible.
[Cut to Bobby]Bobby: I know. It was like 150 degrees everyday last summer. And now it’s like negative of thousand. I literally just can’t.
Cecily: Don’t even.
[Cut to Dakota]Dakota: No, who can even? It’s literally impossible to can. I can’t
[Cut to Bobby]Bobby: I know. It’s like, what the freak? I’m wearing 150 layers and I still can’t even.
[Cut to Cecily]Cecily: You guys, I’m literally wearing like, six coats right now. And I’m trying to can and literally can’t.
[Cut to Dakota]Dakota: Oh, my! Is that window open? Oh, my god! That window is literally wide open right now.
[Cut to Bobby]Bobby: Okay, that is why it is freaking Antartica in here. Okay? Freaking Margo has her window completely open.
Cecily: Margo! Can you please close that window?
[Cut to Margo. Her both arms are broken and plastered.]Margo: I can’t.
[Cut to everybody]Dakota: I am dying right now. Like, I’m literally gonna freeze to death if you don’t shut that window.
[Cut to Margo]Margo: You know that I literally cannot. Both of my arms are broken. You know this. It’s why you call me Broken Arms Margo and Stank Breath Margo with Two Broken Arms.
[Cut to Cecily]Cecily: Oh, my god! Margo! You broke both your arms for attention a hundred years ago. And it’s literally your excuse for everything now.
[Cut to Margo]Margo: It’s been six days. And I didn’t do it on purpose. I stage dived at karaoke and nobody caught me.
Bobby: God! She is so dramatic. I can’t even. I am not doing this with her today.
[Cut to Margo trying to drink juice off a straw but she can’t]Margo: Look, I understand I’m not your favorite person, but could you just maybe nudge my lunch closer? I’ve been struggling to reach it for an hour.
[Cut to Dakota]Dakota: We are not walking a hundred miles over to your desk right now when you can’t even close the window that’s literally killing us.
[Cut to Bobby]Bobby: Yeah, I mean really, Margo? Have you like, ever thought of anyone other than yourself?
[Cut to Cecily]Cecily: Right? God!
Margo: There is no god. There can’t be.
[Cut to Cecily]Cecily: I’m so hungry right now. I haven’t eaten like a month.
[Cut to Cecily, Dakota and Bobby]Bobby: Uh! Don’t even!
Dakota: Margo, what is that in your shirt?
[Cut to Cecily]Cecily: Yeah, what is that? Did you spill something?
Bobby: Urgh! I hate it. It’s annoying. Just go like this, it’s driving me crazy. [brushing off his shoulder] Just go like ths.
[Cut to Margo. There’s a spider on her shoulder.]Margo: Oh, my god! Kill it! Kill it mother-F-er!
[Cut to Bobby]Bobby: Margo! It’s probably just snow from that open window.
[Cut to Dakota]Dakota: Margo, just do this. [brushing off her shoulder] [Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: Do this. [brushing off her dress] Do this.
[Cut to Margo]Margo: You know that I can’t. It is impossible. My arm bones are shattered from pits to wrists. Please, kill it. Or kill me.
Dakota: Really? Margo? Is it that serious? Fine, just leave it there. But can you please shut that window? I’m so freezing.
[Cut to Bobby]Bobby: Oh, my hands are literally in my sleeves right now. It’s that cold.
[Cut to Margo trying to close the window]Margo: Fine! You want the window closed. I’ll try it.
[Margo falls outside through the window.] [Bang]I’m alive? I’m alive and I feel everything. Dear world! What have I done to anger you!
[Cut to Cecily, Dakota and Bobby]Dakota: You know, she’s literally never gonna shut up about this.
Cecily: She’s so dramatic.
Bobby: I cannot even!
