Sasheer Zamata
Aidy Bryant
Noah… Kyle Mooney
Robert Durst… Kate McKinnon
Jeanine Pirro… Cecily Strong
Beck Bennett
[Starts with an Improvisational show]Sasheer: Oh! Okay, everyone. Let’s keep tonight moving. The next team is one of the best improv groups in the city. Give it up for Price Charmin’.
[music playing. Sasheer leaves the stage.] [three guys and one lady come in dancing]Aidy: Okay, turn it down in the booth, Frank. Thank you so much. We are Prince Charmin’. Everything you’re about to see is made up for you on the spot. It’s never been done before and it will never be done again.
[Noah walks front]Noah: Yeah, one night only folks.
Aidy: [laughing] Okay, Noah. So, tonight we’re gonna improvise a whole show about one of you. So, who wants to get up here and get interviewed? Okay, yes! I see a small hand back there. Come on up here, dude. Come on up.
[Robert walks up]Alright. Take a seat. What’s your name, bud?
Robert: My name is Robert Durst.
Aidy: Okay, Robert. So, Robert, please tell us a little bit about yourself.
[Cut to Robert]Robert: Oh! I don’t know. I’m from Scarsdale. I have black eyes. And one time, I chopped off my best friend. I don’t know, I’m a psycho.
[Cut to everybody]Aidy: Ai-yai-yai! Robert! This is a comedy show. So, let’s keep things a little bit lighter, okay?
Robert: Yeah, of course I can do that.
Aidy: So, robert, what did you do today?
[Cut to Robert]Robert: Well, I woke up. I shaved off my eyebrows. Then for lunch, I went to Wegman’s. I stole a chicken salad sandwich. I had $400,000 cash in the car. I just didn’t want to pay for it. I don’t know.
[Cut to everybody. Noah walks front.]Noah: Hey, treats are on this guy!
Aidy: [laughing] Noah, you’re crazy!
Robert: [poinging at Aidy] You have too much energy. What’s your address?
Aidy: I live right across from JFK. So, now Robert, is there any special lady in your life? Or gentleman! Or gentleman.
[Cut to Robert]Robert: Well, there is one lady. Her name is Jeanine Pirro.
[Cut to everybody]Aidy: Ooh! And who is this Jeanine?
Robert: Um, she’s some bitch from New York.
Aidy: Oh, gosh! Well, I hope she’s not here tonight.
Jeanine: I am! [Cut to Jeanine] I’m always right behind you, Robert! And I’m gonna catch you with mine two gorgeously manicured hands. Or my name’s not Jeanine Pirro!
[Cut to the stage]Robert: Ah! She’s gonna die.
[Beck walks front]Beck: Um, what was that, dude?
Noah: You’re gonna kill her?
[Cut to Robert]Robert: [talking to himself] No, Robert. You did it again. Did what? Killed them all of course.
Aidy: Oh-oh! Okay. Very cool. Let’s give Robert up here a round of applause.
[everybody clapping] [Robert leaves the stage]Robert: What was this for?
Aidy: Okay, so now we’re gonna improvise a set based entirely on Robert Durst.
[Noah and Beck walk front]Beck: Hey, will you hold this sandwich for me? I gotta go kill someone.
[Cut to Robert and Beck sitting next to each other in the audience.]Robert: Oh, wow! That’s me!
