Jingle Writers

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Taran Killam

Kyle Mooney

Kate McKinnon

Fayanne… Aidy Bryant

Venerra… Scarlett Johansson

[Starts with Elite Advertising Agency]

Taran: Alright, guys. [Cut to Taran speaking to Kyle and Kate in the office] As you know, Landing Pampers, it’s very important to the company. So, we actually decided to bring in a couple of jingle writers to help us out.

[Cut to Taran] They’ve been out of the game for while, but they come very highly recommended. [talking to the assistant through phone] Sujan, you wanna send them in please?

[Cut to the office. Fayanne and Venerra walk in. They look like hippies.]

Fayanne: Hello, hello everyone.

Venerra: Hello.

Fayanne: Thank you so much.

[Cut to Fayanne and Venerra]

My name is Fayanne.

Venerra: Yes, and I am Venerra. And we are the best jingle writers in town. You ever heard of, [singing jingle] “I want my baby back, baby back, baby back.”

Fayanne: [singing jingle] Chilling!

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Oh, wow! So, you guys wrote that?

[Cut to Fayanne and Venerra]

Fayanne: Ah, no. We wish.

Venerra: We’ve actually been out of the jingle writing scene for quite a while.

Fayanne: Yes, it got too crazy. You know the jingle scene. It’s Coke for breakfast and ash for dinner.

Venerra: So, we’ve been living off the grid in the desert for the last two years.

Fayanne: Yes, but now we are back for pampers.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Well, we are very excited to hear your jingle.

[Cut to everybody]

Fayanne: Well, here it is. Sweet, pure pampers.

[Venerra plays the piano and Fayanne sings. It sounds like a sad song.] [singing] The desert echo screams like a hell-burn born of sand

he bites into the flesh of the diamond rattle snake

and with the taste of blood he cries

for pampers!

Venerra: Thank you.

Fayanne: Thank you so much.

Venerra: Thank you.

[Cut to Kyle and Kate]

Kyle: Um, I think pampers would want a more traditional jingle.

Kate: Yeah, do you even know anything about diapers?

[Cut to Fayanne and Venerra]

Fayanne: Of course.

Venerra: Yes, yes. In the desert, Fayanne and I had to drink each other’s urine.

Fayanne: Yes. So, in a way, we were each other’s diapers.

Venerra: And that experience allowed us to write this next perfect jingle.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: Is it too late to say no?

[Cut to everybody. Fayanne and Venerra are playing piano and singing. It’s a happy song now.]

Venerra: [singing] It’s a sunny day, smile

It’s a sunny day, smile

every day is sunny if you have a smile

[Cut to Kyle and Kate]

Kate: Okay, I like this.

[suddenly the music becomes sad]

Venerra: [singing] The dessert pig has fire eyes

as it’s seen a thousand deaths

[Venerra runs to Taran and sings to him]

nothing soothes it’s black end sole

except pampers!

Fayanne: Thank you.

Venerra: Thank you so much.

Fayanne: Thank you so much.

[Cut to Kyle and Kate]

Kate: Um, are you sure you two are the top jingle writers?

[Cut to Fayanne and Venerra]

Venerra: Yes, of course. Haven’t you heard of this one? [singing jingle] “Pa-ra-pa-pa-pa, it’s Papa Johns.”

[Cut to Taran looking speechless]

Taran: That’s the McDonald’s jingle.

[Cut to Fayanne and Venerra]

Fayanne: Urgh! You sound like Papa Johns.

Venerra: Now, if you’ll indulge us, we have one more song.

Fayanne: Yes. Imagine tiny clean fresh babies playing in sunlight. And then, you hear…

[Fayanne starts playing piano and singing the sad song] [singing] I gave birth on a desert rock

and the baby cried for death

Venerra: We needed food so very bad

we even had to eat a diaper!

[Cut to Kyle and Kate shaking their heads no.] [Cut to Fayanne and Venerra]

Fayanne: The vultures clawed out our eyes

and we screamed out for mercy

Fayanne and Venerra: And pampers!

[Cut to everybody]

Fayanne: Thank you.

Venerra: Thank you so much.

Fayanne: Thank you so much.

Venerra: We accept personal checks and sacagawea coins only.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: You need to leave now.

[Cut to everybody]

Fayanne: Well, if you change your mind, just whisper our name to an owl.

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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