Jeremy… Beck Bennett
Steve… Pete Davidson
Leslie Jones[Starts with Jeremy walking down the stairs to a party] [Cut to Jeremy’s friends]
Kyle: Hey Jeremy, you were in the bathroom a long time. You okay?
Steve: Yeah, did you like, fall in or something?
Jeremy: Ha-ha. Hilarious, Steve, but I wasn’t going to the bathroom. I was actually doing cocaine. [Jeremy shows the white powder on his nose] You see?
Steve: Oh, wow! I didn’t know you do cocaine.[Cut to Jeremy]
Jeremy: I do. In fact, I’ll probably do some more very soon.[Jeremy winks]
Male voice: Mitchell’s fake cocaine for hiding bowel movements at parties. The #1 excuse for your #2.[Cut to Kyle, Steve and Venessa]
Kyle: I love cocaine. Can I do some?[Cut to Jeremy]
Jeremy: I’m out. Yeah, I guess I did all myself, like, complete badass.[Kenan walks down the stairs]
Kenan: Whoa! Who just used the bathroom, man! It stinks in there.
Steve: Wait a second, I thought you said you did cocaine in the bathroom.[Cut to Jeremy]
Jeremy: I did you idiot. But then I sprayed this Mitchell’s fake poop spray to cover up that cocaine I did. Don’t you know anything about doing cocaine? [laughing] [Cut to Venessa]
Venessa: So, you carry around fake poop spray?[Cut to Jeremy]
Jeremy: There are people at this party, you know? You don’t have to just talk to me.
Male voice: Mitchell’s fake poop spray. For when the Mitchell’s fake cocaine is called into question because of your real poop smell.[Cut to 6 walking down the stairs]
Leslie: Okay, everybody. Quick announcement. The toilet is completely clogged, so nobody go in there.[Cut to Jeremy]
Jeremy: Oh, no. I gotta use this cocaine now or I’m gonna have an accident.
Leslie: Well, you can use my bedroom.[Cut to Jeremy]
Jeremy: Okay, that sounds good.[Jeremy walks up]
Male voice: Mitchell’s fake cocaine for hiding bowel movements at parties. And Mitchell’s fake poop spray. Gives you the confidence to let loose on the dance floor… and in the bathroom.
Leslie: [yelling] Hey! Who took a shit in my bedroom? Who took a shit in my bedroom?[Cut to Jeremy showing Mitchell’s fake cocaine and Mitchell’s fake poop spray.