Monologue Blake Shelton Recreates Hee Haw

Blake Shelton

Cook with a jug… Bobby Moynihan

Taran Killam

Jay Pharoah

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.]

[band is playing music one the stage]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Blake Shelton.

[Blake Shelton walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Blake Shelton: Thank you! Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you. I am Blake Shelton. And yes, officer, I have been drinking. Now, for those of you who don’t know my work, I’m kind of like the Justin Bieber of country music. A little trouble making cutie.

I gotta say I do feel little bit like a fish out of water up here in New York city because, man, everything is so fancy. When I was growing up, the only comedy show I watched was Hee-Haw. And Hee-Haw was a variety show that was kind of like laughing meets deliverance. It was a little bit corny [country music starts playing] but I just loved it. [people wearing country dresses come behind him and someone hands him over the guitar.] And I thought, what a childhood. Oh, this is better already. We have a cook with a jug.

[Cook with a jug runs in]

Cook with a jug: I call this My Giggle Juice.

Blake Shelton: Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna do some old fashioned picking and grinning. All you gotta do is just play a little music and tell a little joke like this. Come on! Hee-Haw!

[country music playing]

[music stops]

Hey Taran!

Taran: Yeah, Blake.

Blake Shelton: I got food poisoning the other night.

Taran: Oh, no! What was wrong with the food?

Blake Shelton: My wife made it!

Taran: [laughing] That’s fun!

Blake Shelton: That’s Hee-Haw. That’s Hee-Haw. Come on, man! Here we go.

[country music playing. Taran walks away and Jay walks near Blake Shelton]

[music stops]

Blake Shelton: Hey, Jay. Did you hear about that big old fish I caught?

Jay: Yeah! Well, don’t give it to your wife. I hear her cooking sucks!

[Blake Shelton is confused and looks at Jay.]

Blake Shelton: Don’t say that about my wife, man!

[Cut to Cecily, Leslie and Venessa dressed as country girls]

Leslie: May I be excused?

[Cut to Jay and Blake Shelton]

Blake Shelton: No, man! Hey, old Cook! Come down here. Let’s show them how it’s done. Come on, man. Here we go!

[country music playing. Jay walks away and Cook walks near Blake Shelton]

[music stops]

Cook: I had to take my sister out the other night.

Blake Shelton: Oh, what for?

Cook: Our anniversary.

Blake Shelton: Ha-ha-ha.

[Cut to Cecily, Leslie and Venessa dressed as country girls]

Leslie: I do not like this!

[Cut to Blake Shelton and Cook]

Blake Shelton: You know what? Too bad!

[country music playing. Cook walks away and Pete walks near Blake Shelton]

[music stops]

Blake Shelton: So, Pete. I was at the saloon the other day.

Pete: Yeah, I know. While you were there I had sex with your sister.

[Blake Shelton looks confused.]

Blake Shelton: Dude, this isn’t a roast.

Pete: That’s what I said to your wife when she tried to make me dinner.

Blake Shelton: Come on, man! Nice country jokes. Come on, man! Come on!

[country music playing. Pete walks away and Cecily walks near Blake Shelton]

[music stops]

Blake Shelton: Hey, Cecily.

Cecily: Uh-huh?

Blake Shelton: My grandpa got his test results back.

Cecily: Oh, is he okay?

Blake Shelton: He’s great! He finally passed second grade!

[Blake Shelton and Cecily laugh]

[Cut to Cecily, Leslie and Venessa dressed as country girls]

Leslie: This is wrong!

[Cut to Blake Shelton and Cecily]

Blake Shelton: You know what? You freaking guys! [Cut to everybody] Just forget it man! Maybe this was a bad idea.

Taran: No, Blake. Blake, no! We wanna get it right. We got it! Give us one more chance. Nice country jokes.

Blake Shelton: Seriously?

Taran: Yeah!

Blake Shelton: Okay. Alright! Well, here it goes.

[Taran and Venessa sit by Blake Shelton’s side.]

Taran: Hey, Vanessa.

Vanessa: Yeah, Taran.

Taran: So, you know how Blake’s grand father is an idiot, right?

[Blake Shelton is getting angry]

Vanessa: Oh, yeah! The dummest.

Taran: So, the other day I was having sex with Blake’s sister.

Vanessa: Who hasn’t?

[Cut to Cecily and Leslie. Leslie is laughing hard.]

Leslie: Okay. Now, that’s funny! You are hilarious, Blake.

[Cut to Taran, Blake Shelton and Vanessa]

Blake Shelton: What? We did it! We made Leslie laugh! She’s laughing!

[country music playing. Everyone stands.]

[music stops]

Blake Shelton: Woo! We got a great show tonight, everybody. Stick around, we’ll be right back.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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