Elizabeth Ann Thompson
Amy Waters Davidson
Betty Reese[Starts with SNL monologue intro.] [band is playing music one the stage]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Reese Witherspoon.[Reese Witherspoon walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]
Reese Witherspoon: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s great to be here hosting Saturday Night Live, especially since it’s the Mother’s day show. [cheers and applause] Mothers are the best. And now that I’m a mother myself, I finally understand what my mom went through with me. I was a full on nightmare. From the ages from 5 through 37. And that’s why tonight, we have a very special treat for y’all. Our real mothers are here. And we are gonna bring them out and apologize for real terrible things we did to them. So, let’s bring them out already. Are you ready?
Reese Witherspoon: Okay, first up, Cecily and her mom Penny.[Cecily and her mother walk in]
Cecily: Well, hi mom. [music playing] I’m sorry for writing you angry notes on the computer using the dingbats font so you wouldn’t know I was using swear words.
Cecily’s mom: I knew.
Cecily: I know. Happy mother’s day.
Reese Witherspoon: Okay, next up, it’s Jay and his mom, Ramona.[Jay and his mother walk in]
Jay: Um, hey mom. [music playing] Remember those sandwiches you used to make for me for school? They had like bazel and stuff, I don’t know. It took you forever to make.
Jay’s mom: I remember.
Jay: Yeah, I threw all of them in trash.
Jay’s mom: What?
Jay: So, um, I’m sorry. Come on, just don’t talk. Let’s go.[Jay and his mother leave] [cheers and applause]
Reese Witherspoon: Next up, it’s Kate and her mom Laura.[Kate and her mother walk in]
Kate: Hi, mom.
Kate’s mom: Hi honey.
Kate: I’m sorry that whenever I would play may believe with my friends, it was never princesses. Instead we would reenact the shooting of Mary Jo Buttafuoco by Amy Fisher. And I of course would play Jo Buttafuoco. So, I’m sorry for being so weird, mom!
Kate’s mom: You know, honey, it’s good that you’re weird coz weird got you here.
Kate: You’re right, mom. You’re right.[cheers and applause] [Kate and her mother leave]
Reese Witherspoon: Next is Sasheer and her mom, Ivory.[Sasheer and her mother walk in]
Sasheer: Hi, mommy. I’m sorry that in second grade, I slapped a girl across the face and broke her glasses and you had to buy her new ones. And in the spirit of mother’s day, if that girl is watching, I’d just like to say, “You deserved it.”
Sasheer’s mom: You did![cheers and applause] [Sasheer and her mother leave]
Reese Witherspoon: Here’s Beck and his mom, Sarah.[Beck and his mother walk in]
Beck: Mom, hi. So, remember that vibrating swiggle wiggle pen that you got me when I was little?
Beck’s mom: [looking concerned] Uh-huh?
Beck: I’m sorry for sexually experimenting with that.[Beck’s mom is shocked. Beck pulls her out of the stage.] [cheers and applause]
Reese Witherspoon: Okay. Thank you, Beck. That was gross. Um, next up is Venessa and her mom, Carolyn.[Venessa and her mother walk in]
Venessa: Hi, mom. You look beautiful.
Venessa’s mom: Thank you.
Venessa: I’m sorry that when I was little, I used to pee the bed. And then I’d get out of the bed and run around my room peeing. And then I’d freak out and run to your room and pee the whole way there. So, sorry for all of the pee.[cheers and applause] [Venessa and her mother leave]
Reese Witherspoon: Okay, come on up here, Kenan and his mom,[Kenan and his mother walk in]
Kenan: Hi, mama.
Kenan’s mom: Hi, Kenan.
Kenan: Thanks for coming. I’m sorry that when I was a teenager, I loved fire. And that one night, I tried to secretly burn a piece of notebook paper and almost set out entire house on hire.
Kenan’s mom: That’s okay, honey. But I’ve always wondered what was on that piece of paper.
Kenan: We ain’t got to talk about that.[Kenan and his mother leave]
Reese Witherspoon: Next up is Pete and his mom, Amy. [Pete and his mother walk in] Mrs. Davidson, before Pete says anything, I’d just like to say that I’m sorry because I’ve only known him a week but I can only imagine.[Pete looks at Reese Witherspoon angrily]
Pete: Thanks, Reese Witherspoon! Mom, I’m sorry that I used your good coat for a murder scene in a horror movie I made when I was nine. I put ketchup all over it for blood and then just rolled it back up and put it in your closet. Here! [He gives flowers to his mom]
Pete’s mom: Oh, thanks honey.
Pete: I didn’t get it.[Pete and his mother leave]
Reese Witherspoon: Alright, let’s greet Aidy and her mom, Georganne.[Aidy and her mother walk in]
Aidy: Hi, mom. I wanna thank you for all those times you let me borrow the car to go to the movies. But I’m sorry because I never went to the movies and I always went to church parking lot where I rubbed jeans with Ricky Fico.
Reese Witherspoon: Sounds kind of hot!
Aidy’s mom: He wasn’t!
Aidy: Mom![Aidy and her mother leave]
Reese Witherspoon: Okay, next up is Kyle and his mom, Linda.[Kyle and his mother walk in]
Kyle: Hi, mom. It’s Kyle.
Kyle’s mom: I recognize you.
Kyle: We haven’t talked about this like, ever! But I’m sorry about that one time you were asleep on the couch and I was on the big chair and there was a nudy movie on Showtime with two girls. And I started doing that thing and you woke up [Kyle’s mom is shocked] and screamed, “Kyle!” And then you went back to sleep. I’m really sorry about that and I’m sorry for bringing that up on TV.[Kyle pulls his mother away]
Reese Witherspoon: Here’s Bobby and his mom, Julie.[Bobby and his mother walk in]
Bobby: Hey, hi mom.
Bobby’s mom: Hi.
Bobby: Hi. Look, I’m sorry that I drew my name on the wall in marker and then blamed it on grandma. And then you said, “How did grandma get up and write that when she is in a wheelchair?” And I said, “It’s a miracle.” I love you, mom.[cheers and applause] [Bobby and his mother leave]
Reese Witherspoon: And finally, last but not least, it’s my turn. Please welcome the love of my life, my mother Betty.[cheers and applause] [Reese’s mom walks in]
Hi, mom. Okay, this is bad, you guys. But, mom, I’m really sorry that one time in high school, I told you that I was gonna sleep over at Ashley’s house but instead I checked in to a hotel with my boyfriend. But then I felt so guilty that I left and went back to Ashley’s house. Do you forgive me?
Reese’s mom: Of course, sweetheart. And now, me and the other moms have something we want to apologize for.
Reese Witherspoon: Huh?
Reese’s mom: We’re sorry that we’re about to show a bunch of home videos of you kids.
Reese Witherspoon: What?
Reese’s mom: Roll it, Lorne![Cut to old funny video clips of when SNL cast members were kids.] [Cut to SNL stage with everybody]
Reese Witherspoon: Wow, thank you for that, mom. We have a great show. Florence and the Machine is here. So, stick around and we’ll be right back.