Donna Hamilton… Venessa Bayer
Frank Robinson… Kenan Thompson
Jim Palmer… Teran Killam
Amber Theoharris… Scarlett Johansson
Manny Machado… Jay Pharoah[Starts with TV11 News Baltimore video bumper] [Cut to Donna Hamilton in her news set]
Donna Hamilton: The mayor’s office continues to urge Baltimore residents to hit all official warnings, and obey curfew laws while riots continue. Finally, an unusual day in baseball as the Orioles decided to proceed with their game against the White Sox without any fans in attendance due to rioting concerns. We go now to that game already in progress.[Cut to Frank Robinson and Jim Palmer as commentators]
Jim Palmer: Good afternoon. I’m Jim Palmer joined by Oriole’s legend Frank Robinson. What a day for a game, Frank?
Frank Robinson: Thank you, Jim.[Cut to hotdog seller in an empty audience]
Hotdog seller: Hotdog’s here.
Frank Robinson: Let’s talk about today’s match-up. White Sox are coming in with two wins in a row but Baltimore has just been on fire this week. I’m sorry for how I said that.
Jim Palmer: I agree with you, Frank. Compare the Orioles now to their series against the Blue Jay’s, Baltimore took an absolute beating from the boys in blue. Don’t know why I called them that. Do not know why. No one has ever called them that.
Frank Robinson: Okay, as always, it’s time for our fans at home to guess the attendants. No idea why we would still do this but here we are.[Cut to the question board]
Is it A. 45,201, B. 44,620, or C. 31 including the players. [Cut to Frank Robinson and Jim Palmer] Tweet us with your guess. It’s obviously C.
Jim Palmer: Let’s go now with a sidelines reporter, Amber Theoharris. [Cut to Amber Theoharris. There are riot police behind her] Amber, do you think the empty seats are affecting the players?
Amber Theoharris: Well, the stadium’s not completely empty. There is a very heavy police presence. Also different about today’s game, the city of Baltimore is allowing only one bat to be used which is being kept under strict lock and key. Let’s see if we can get a look at it.
Here it is provided by the good people.[Amber Theoharris hits her own hand with the bat. The bat is soft and making squeaky noises while being hit.] [The police takes away the bat]
Finally, a reminder to fans that following today’s game Red Hot Chilli Pepper’s bassist Flea is playing a concert. So after the game, Flea. Back to you.[Cut to Frank Robinson and Jim Palmer]
Frank Robinson: Thank you Amber. And it looks like we’re ready to resume the game.
Jim Palmer: Oh, but bad as Manny Machado still on the men from knee surgery, but we saw him from batting practice and that knee grows stronger everyday.
Frank Robinson: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Jim Palmer: Please excuse me forever. I meant of course his knee gets stronger every day. Certainly did not mean to say knee grows.
Manny Machado: Hey, I can hear you, man![Cut to Frank Robinson and Jim Palmer]
Frank Robinson: Yikes, well here’s the pitch.[The squeaky sound of bat]
Pop fly to center. [gun shot sound] And the ball is shot down by a military drone. That’s confusing.
Jim Palmer: Man, so is this. It’s time for the kiss cam.[Cut to the kiss cam. There is nobody in the audience. The kiss cam shows two police, so they kiss.] [Cut to Frank Robinson and Jim Palmer]
Frank Robinson: Wow, they really went for it. Good for them. The kiss cam was sponsored today by a Kingsford charcoal. Kingsford, throw a brick, start a fire.
Is anybody screening this copy or are you just handing it to us site unseen.
Jim Palmer: For god’s sake, let’s go back to Amber.[Cut to Amber Theoharris. She is in a train station.]
Amber, where are you?
Amber Theoharris: I’m out the Baltimore Amtrak station. I’m going to Newark where I’ll be safer. Back to you.[Cut to Frank Robinson and Jim Palmer]
Frank Robinson: Hold that train. I’m coming too.
Jim Palmer: As am I. You’ve been watching Oriole’s baseball.[Frank Robinson and Jim Palmer storm out.] [The End]