Bulmier… Chris Hemsworth
Cecily Strong
Strike Pete… Taran Killam
Cathro Jake… Kenan Thompson
Mark… Jon Rudnitsky
[Starts with pirates in their ship]
Bulmier: Drink up, boys. And mind your manners, we have a guest.
[Cut to Bulmier and Cecily. Bulmier his holding Cecily hostage.]
The governor will pay a fine ransom for you.
Cecily: You’re disgusting.
Bulmier: Oh yes, thank you. Now, let’s give her a little of pirate’s welcome. Ha-ha.
[music playing]
[The pirates start dancing]
My name is captain Bulmier
I ride upon the waves
and if the Queen sends her ships
I’ll send them to the graves
[Cut to Strike]
Strike: I’m Strike Pete, the gunner
my aim is deadly true
I’ll send a ball right through your hole
and sink you in the blue
[Cut to Cathro]
Cathro: I’m Cathro Jake, the buccaneer
my soul is scarred and dead
and if you dare to cross me
me knife goes in your head
[Cut to everybody. Mark swings by the rope.]
Mark: My name is Mark and I keep things fun.
Cecily: Who was that?
Strike: Use your pretty ears. That was Mark.
Cathro: And he keeps things fun.
[Cut to Mark, showing his stuffed parrot.]
Mark: I made a little outfit for the parrot. It’s the kind of stuff I do, keeping it light, keeping it fun. Expect this kind of stuff from me.
[The pirates are laughing]
Pirates: [singing] So, bury me bones with Devi Jones
and drink rum for me
[laughing]
Bulmier: How good is Mark.
[Cut to Cecily, blushing]
Cecily: He is not bad.
[Bulmier walks to Cecily]
Bulmier: Not bad? Not bad? He’s the best!
[Cut to Mark]
Mark: Uh, gentlemen, I’m sitting on the cannon.
[Cut to Bulmier and Cecily]
Bulmier: [laughing] Mark, what re you up to?
[Cut to Mark]
Mark: I don’t know, but I don’t feel so good. [putting his one hand over his stomach as if he has upset stomach]
[Mark lights up the cannon and as the cannon blows, he acts as it was his fart.]
Ah!
[Cut to everybody laughing]
Cecily: Okay, you’re right. Mark is the best.
Bulmier: See? That’s what Mark does. He makes–
[Cut to Strike and Cathro]
Cathro: Every ship needs a Mar. The sea will drive you mad without a buffoon to keep you guessing.
Strike: Mark’s got this character he does named Jeffy. [laughing] He’s got two hooks or hands and he– you know what? I’m not even doing it juts as you. You just have to see it.
[Cut to everybody]
Bulmier: Mark, do the dance. Do thedance.
Mark: I don’t know. Give me a beat.
[The pirates start clapping and tapping]
[Mark walks forward and starts does nae-nae and other pop dances.]
[As dancing, Mark falls down the ship.]
[Cut to the pirates looking down the ship]
Cathro: What?
Strike: Oh my god!
[As the pirates are looking for Mark down the ship, Mark walks in from behind and looks down with them.]
Mark: Good riddens to that guy now.
[Pirates are laughing]
[Cut to everybody]
Strike: You just went over boars.
Cathro: And you’re not even wet. I am! How did you do that?
[Cut to Mark]
Mark: You want me to say? It’s so obvious you’re gonna be made that you didn’t figure it out.
[Cut to Bulmier and Cathro]
Bulmier: No, no. I don’t want to know.
Cathro: I mean I do, but I don’t.
Bulmier: Well, let’s sway anchor and let’s sail lands.
[Cut to Mark. He has hooks on his both hands.]
Mark: Hey guys, can someone help me in the bathroom?
[Cut to everybody]
Strike: Oh, Jeffy! Jeffy!
Cathro: He is doing the Jeffy.
[Pirates laughing]
[The End]
