King… Kenan Thompson
Taran Killam[Starts with a video clip of a burning castle.] [Cut to inside the castle.]
King: What is the word from the lower villages?
Kevin: There’s nothing left my lord. Just fires and ashes as far as the eye can see.[Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: So it’s true that the dragon has returned.[Cut to Sasheer and Taran]
Sasheer: May god watch over us.
Taran: What do you suggest we do, my lord?[Cut to King and Kevin]
King: We need to find a new land. There’s nothing left for us here.[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: Indeed my lord. We must go. The dragon will return soon. There isn’t much time.[Cut to everybody]
King: Very well. We must leave and never look back.[music playing] [singing] This was our land
it gave us seed
it bore us fruit
so stand on knees
now we must move on
move away from this land
this land we love
Cecily: [singing] we worked this land
we tilled it’s wheat
Taran: [singing] The soil beneath our feet
Sasheer: [singing] Now we must move on
King, Cecily, Sasheer and Taran: [singing] Move away from this land
this land we love
Kevin: Hey! Hey! What the hell was that?[Cut to King, Cecily, Sasheer and Taran]
King: We’re preparing ourselves to move away from here and on to a distant land.[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: Ay, man! We don’t have time for that. We need to go out this door before this dragon comes and kill us.[Cut to everybody. Kevin walks pass them.]
King: Yes. We must make haste before the creature returns.
Kevin: Exactly. Now, come on man, let’s go.[Cut to everybody]
King: On to a new land.[singing] This land we find–
Kevin: Wait! No!
King: It’ll be our land
Kevin: Ay, this is messed up, man!
Taran: We’ll travel across sea and sand[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: Okay, you know what? I’m just gonna start packing for you guys.[Kevin leaves] [Cut to King, Cecily, Sasheer and Taran]
King, Cecily, Sasheer and Taran: We must move on.[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: Ay, is this your shirt?[Cut to King, Cecily, Sasheer and Taran]
King, Cecily, Sasheer and Taran: We must move on.
Kevin: I’m just asking, is this anybody’s shirt right here?
Cecily: Move away from here[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: Ay! Whose little pants are these? Are these my pants?[Cut to King, Cecily, Sasheer and Taran]
King, Cecily, Sasheer and Taran: This land we love.[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: My bad! These are mine. I got them in black and brown. I remember. You know what I’m gonna do? I’m just gonna take everything. I’m going to put them in this bag and sort it out when we get there. [Cut to everybody] Okay? Cool. Let’s go.
Taran: Yes, we must come closer to our new homeland, with each step we take.
Kevin: Okay. [pointing at the door] Then can we take one step please? Come on, man! We gotta go. Let’s get out of here.[dragon screaming.]
That was a dragon scream. My butt hole just got this tight. No, no, man! Listen. No more fooling around, okay? Lose the vocals, y’all! It’s time to go. Grab the great juice and let’s get to moving. [Kevin is pushing everybody towards the door.]
King: We’re ready. Lead the way!
King and Cecily: [singing] Open the door and lead us all
Sasheer and Taran: [singing] Then close the door after we go[Cut to Kevin]
Kevin: Shut up! Just shut up. Shut your mouth! You guys don’t get it, okay? Everybody outside of this window right here is dead. Do you wanna end up like them?
Taran: No! [Taran starts singing words]
Kevin: You are a loser! You hear me? A loser! You know what? Look at what’s going on out here. Look at this.[Kevin opens the curtains of the window. Outside is a big dragon eye looking at them]
Taran: Oh, I get it. The dragon. We should go.
Kevin: Finally, took you all day.
Leslie: Hey! [Cut to Leslie] Aren’t you forgetting something? Like, your wife?[Cut to everybody]
Kevin: Oh, man! Not this!
Leslie: [singing] You leave me here
I’ll kick your ass
I’ll hunt you down
and well on your ass
Now, let’s move on
King, Cecily, Sasheer, Taran and Leslie: We must move on.[Everybody is leaving]
Kevin: Oh, so now you all wanna move on coz she said something? That’s all that took? My wife to come out here?