The Jungle

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Shortlong… Pete Davidson

Dr. Bones… Dwayne Johnson

Ms. Reece… Kate McKinnon

Tribal man… Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett

[Starts with TNT Movie Night intro]

Male voice: You’re watching TNT Movie Night. And now, back to the 1983 classic, Escape from Jungle Island.

[Cut to three people in the jungle]

Shortlong: Dr. Bones! Dr. Bones! Look! The Forbidden Temple of lost souls.

Dr. Bones: Excellent work, Shortlong. And you were a very talented translator Mrs. Reece.

Ms. Reece: Actually, it’s Ms. Reece, Dr. Bones. [Ms. Reece is feeling Dr. Bones’s muscles] I hope we share many more adventures together.

Dr. Bones: Well, let’s keep it professional, Ms. Reece. We have to retreat the priceless Yulu-Yulu crystal and get off the jungle island. There’s gotta be a lever here. There’s always a lever.

[Cut to a tribal man in the bush]

Tribal man: Uma-Uma-Uma. [Tribal man shoots Shortlong with a dart on Shortlong’s neck.] [Cut to Shortlong and Dr. Bones]

Shortlong: Dr. Bones! Dr. Bones. I’ve been hit by a poisonous dart.

Dr. Bones: Shortlong, no!

Shortlong: This is the end of the line for me, Dr. Bones. I’m a goner.

Dr. Bones: Shortlong, you still have a chance. I’ll suck the poison out.

[Dr. Bones is sucking Shortlong’s neck.] [Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Oh, sweet kiss!

[Cut to Dr. Bones and Shortlong. Dr. Bones sucks the poison out of Shortlong’s neck. Shortlong survives.]

Dr. Bones: There. Feel better, Shortlong?

Shortlong: Dr. Bones. You saved my life.

Dr. Bones: Ah! Well, I’d do the same thing for all my friends.

[Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Really? Oh, well. [Ms. Reece acts as she’s been hit by a dart on her lips] Oh, no. I’m hit too. Right on my soft lips. You both heard it. Oh!

[Cut to everybody]

Shortlong: I don’t see a dart, Ms. Reece.

Ms. Reece: Ya, but you’re just a guy. Maybe Dr. Boner should look.

Dr. Bones: It was probably a mosquito.

[Cut to another tribal man in the bush]

Tribal man: Bali-bali-bali. [Tribal man shoots Shortlong with a dart on Dr. Bones’s chest.] [Cut to everybody]

Dr. Bones: Ah! I’m hit. I’m hit right in the chest.

[Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Oh, I’ll suck it out. Me!

[Cut to everybody]

Shortlong: No, no, no, no! Ms. Reece. Dr. Bones saved my life. Now, I must return the favor. It’s guy code.

Dr. Bones: Shortlong, do you see the wound?

Shortlong: No.

[Dr. Bones is unbottoning his shirt.]

Dr. Bones: How about now?

Shortlong: No.

Dr. Bones: How about now?

Shortlong: Ah! He hit you right on the nipple.

Dr. Bones: Oh! Quick! Shortlong!

[Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Oh, give me! Give me!

Dr. Bones: Suck the poison out with your mouth.

[Cut to Shortlong sucking on Dr. Bones’s nipple] [Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Wait! What if you blow into that nipple while I suck on the other one? Will that work? Let me try that, please?

[Cut to Shortlong, Dr. Bones and Ms. Reece]

Shortlong: Already done.

Dr. Bones: Shortlong, you’re a true friend.

[Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Are you sure you got all the poison? Someone should check to make sure–

[Cut to Shortlong, Dr. Bones and Ms. Reece]

Shortlong: Good idea, Ms. Reece.

[Shortlong sucks on Dr. Bones’s nipple again] [Shortlong spits out]

There you go. I got it all.

Dr. Bones: Now, let’s open this door and retrieve that crystal.

[Cut to a tribal man in the bush]

Tribal man: Feti-feti-feti-feti. [Tribal man shoots Shortlong with a dart on Dr. Bones’s butt.] [Cut to Shortlong, Dr. Bones and Ms. Reece]

Dr. Bones: Ah! He hit me in the rear!

[Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Oh, damn! I got you.

[Cut to Shortlong, Dr. Bones and Ms. Reece]

Shortlong: No, no, no, Ms. Reece. I’m close to Dr. Bone. By the time you get over here, the poison will enter his blood stream.

Dr. Bones: He’s right, Ms. Reece. I appreciate you trying to help. But it has to be Shortlong. He’s slightly closer and time is of the essence.

[Shortlong sucks poison out of Dr. Bones’s butt.] [Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: I can hold his butt firmly for you, you know? So you can just focus on getting the poison out.

[Cut to Shortlong and Dr. Bones]

Shortlong: Oh, there’s so much poison Dr. Bones.

Dr. Bones: Don’t stop sucking Shortlong until it’s all out.

[Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Um, we can take shifts. I go now, you go when I’m done tomorrow.

[Cut to Shortlong and Dr. Bones]

Shortlong: Already done. It was so hard to get a good seal. His skin is so tight!

[Cut to Shortlong, Dr. Bones and Ms. Reece]

Dr. Bones: I owe you one, Shortlong.

[Cut to two tribal men]

Tribal men: Dali-dali-dali!

[Cut to Shortlong, Dr. Bones and Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Aim over here, and I’ll make you very rich men.

[Tribal men shoot Shortlong and Dr. Bones with a dart on their penis.] [Cut to Shortlong, Dr. Bones and Ms. Reece]

Dr. Bones: Ah! We both were shot right between the legs.

[Cut to Ms. Reece]

Ms. Reece: Oh, no! And it all falls on me because only one can be saved. Oh, no! [Cut to Shortlong, Dr. Bones and Ms. Reece] Farewell brave Shortlong.

Dr. Bones: No! We can save each other. Shorlong, quick! Cartwheel up to me.

[Shortlong and Dr. Bones are sucking on each other cartwheeling.]

Ms. Reece: Let me in there! Let me in there!

Dr. Bones: They’ll be out in 15 minutes.

[Shortlong and Dr. Bones leave and the tribal men come and take Ms. Reece away.]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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