Taran Killam
Kenan Thompson
Blake Shelton
Aidy Bryant
Beck Bennett
Kate McKinnon
Kenan Thompson
[Starts with a magic show. There are Magician, Kenan and Blake on the stage.]
Magician: No, sir. If you’ll kindly place your card back into the deck just like that. Don’t let me see. Give it a shuffle. And what I want you to do is tap the top card. Sir, is this your card? [Magician shows the card]
Kenan: Oh, my god! That is.
[Cut to the audience. Everybody is laughing but Blake]
Blake: Not real!
[Cut to Magician, Kenan and Aidy]
Magician: And you, ma’am? Do you still have the card I gave you and have you put in your pocket.
[Aidy looks for a card in her pockets]
[Cut to Blake]
Blake: Fake. It’s just a trick.
[Cut to Magician, Kenan and Aidy]
Aidy: Well, it’s not in my pocket.
[Cut to Blake]
Blake: Ha-ha-ha-ha! You messed up the trick. I told you it was fake.
[Cut to Magician, Kenan and Aidy]
Magician: Oh, I see. I see. No, it is not in your pocket because it’s now in his.
[Kenan puts his hand in his pocket.]
Kenan: Oh, my! It’s right here.
[Everybody clapping]
That’s amazing.
[Cut to Blake]
Blake: Oh, my god!
[Cut to Magician, Kenan and Aidy]
Magician: Give a hand to my two volunteers, please. [Kenan and Aidy leave the stage] Now, um, for my next trick–
[Cut to Blake]
Blake: Sir, can I ask you a question.
[Cut to Magician]
Magician: Um, I’m kind of in the middle of the show. But sure, what is it?
[Cut to Blake]
Blake: How in the hell did you do that?
[Cut to Magician]
Magician: Well, a magician never reveals his secrets.
[Cut to Blake]
Blake: Oh, come on, man! We’re both adults.
[Cut to Magician]
Magician: Alright, you’re right. I’ll tell you. It was magic.
[Cut to Blake]
Blake: Real magic?
[Cut to Magician]
Magician: That’s right. Now for my next trick, I’m gonna need several–
[Cut to Blake]
Blake: Make me rich.
[Cut to Magician]
Magician: I’m sorry, what?
[Blake walks to the stage]
Oh, um, sir.
Blake: Use your powers and make me rich.
Magician: I can’t do that sir.
Blake: You can’t or you won’t?
Magician: Ha-ha-ha. Sir, if you’ll just have a seat.
Blake: Make me rich.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] Alright, this next trick, I’m gonna need two volunteers. How about you two? Come on, step up here. Sir, please if you’ll just step to the side.
[Beck and Kate walk to the stage to volunteer]
Great! Wow! That is a beautiful watch, my friend.
Beck: Oh, thank you. It’s an anniversary gift.
Blake: Make me rich.
Magician: [ignoring Blake ]Okay, now, um, [Magician gets a hat] what I need you to do is go ahead and place the watch inside this hat please.
[Beck puts his watch inside the hat]
Blake: Give me the power to know what women are thinking.
Magician: What? Now, I’m gonna–
Blake: So I can know what to say to them to get their tops off.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] Please, sir. Go ahead. Hold this hat for me.
Blake: Make me rich.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] Now, the funny thing about time ladies and gentlemen, is that it flies.
[Magician mimics as he caught something. The he shows that the watch Beck had put in the hat is now in his wrist.]
[Magician opens the watch and gives it back to Beck]
Blake: Oh, my god! Make me rich, man!
Magician: Oh, come on dude! Now, ma’am, what I want you to do is go ahead and pick a card. [Magician places a deck of card in front of Kate]
Kate: Okay.
Blake: I wanna be able to slam dunk.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] Ah, now I want you to write your address on the back of the card. Do not let me see.
Blake: Give me indestructible bones. Wolverine claws.
Magician: Buddy! Go ahead, place the card back in the deck.
Blake: I wanna be a black guy just for one day.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] Now, you can all see that I am shuffling the cards.
Blake: Guns for hands.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] And, sir, what I want you to do is choose a second card.
Blake: Gun for hands.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] Now, don’t show it to me.
Blake: Guns for hands.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] Well, go ahead. Obviously, look at it yourself.
Blake: Chicken nuggets.
Magician: And now show everybody else. [Beck is showing the card to the audience except Magician]
Blake: I want chicken nuggets with ranch.
[Cut to Kenan in the audience]
Kenan: Dude, he’s not a waiter. He’s not gonna get you chicken nuggets.
[Cut to the stage]
Blake: Activate guns for hands.
Magician: [ignoring Blake] Ah! You know what, guys! Let’s talk about this. Sir, [cut to Magician and Blake] okay, I don’t know what it is exactly you want me to do.
Blake: Make me rich.
Magician: Alright, I’m not gonna make you rich, okay?
Blake: Chicken nuggets.
Magician: Look, sir, I’m just trying to put on a show, make a couple of bucks.
Blake: Guns for hands.
Magician: How are you not getting this? Please, I’m betting you. This is just a show.
Blake: Sir, I’m sorry. You’re right. Please continue.
[Cut to the stage]
Magician: Thank you. Finall, ha-ha-ha. Now, sir, [talking to Beck] have you memorized your card?
Beck: Yes.
Magician: Go ahead and place that card inside the hat.
Blake: Give me the power to go down on myself.
Magician: Alright, you want that? Fine! You have it! You have the power to go down on yourself. Congratulations.
Blake: You will not regret this! Yes! Thank you, sir. Thank you.
[Blake goes to the backstage behind the curtains]
Magician: Um, ladies and gentlemen, I do apologize. This has never happened before.
[Blake is making noise behind the curtains]
Blake: Activate going down on myself!
[Blake comes back to the stage]
It didn’t work, man! I did get a little bit closer, but not all the way. Could you just use a little bit more magic? I do believe in magic.
Magician: Alright.
Blake: I do.
Magician: Okay.
Blake: I do believe.
Magician: Magic isn’t real.
Blake: Ha-ha-ha-ha. I knew it! He’s a fake! I told you guys. Man, you guys are idiots. Ha-ha. He’s a fake!
[Blake leaves the stage]
Magician: I’m just joking ladies and gentlemen. Magic obviously is [he has a card in his palm. He tries to make it disappear but everybody could see the card thrown back.] very real.
[Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: Power to go down on myself!
[cheers and applause]
