The Magician’s Heckler


Taran Killam

Kenan Thompson

Blake Shelton

Aidy Bryant

Beck Bennett

Kate McKinnon

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with a magic show. There are Magician, Kenan and Blake on the stage.]

Magician: No, sir. If you’ll kindly place your card back into the deck just like that. Don’t let me see. Give it a shuffle. And what I want you to do is tap the top card. Sir, is this your card? [Magician shows the card]

Kenan: Oh, my god! That is.

[Cut to the audience. Everybody is laughing but Blake]

Blake: Not real!

[Cut to Magician, Kenan and Aidy]

Magician: And you, ma’am? Do you still have the card I gave you and have you put in your pocket.

[Aidy looks for a card in her pockets] [Cut to Blake]

Blake: Fake. It’s just a trick.

[Cut to Magician, Kenan and Aidy]

Aidy: Well, it’s not in my pocket.

[Cut to Blake]

Blake: Ha-ha-ha-ha! You messed up the trick. I told you it was fake.

[Cut to Magician, Kenan and Aidy]

Magician: Oh, I see. I see. No, it is not in your pocket because it’s now in his.

[Kenan puts his hand in his pocket.]

Kenan: Oh, my! It’s right here.

[Everybody clapping]

That’s amazing.

[Cut to Blake]

Blake: Oh, my god!

[Cut to Magician, Kenan and Aidy]

Magician: Give a hand to my two volunteers, please. [Kenan and Aidy leave the stage] Now, um, for my next trick–

[Cut to Blake]

Blake: Sir, can I ask you a question.

[Cut to Magician]

Magician: Um, I’m kind of in the middle of the show. But sure, what is it?

[Cut to Blake]

Blake: How in the hell did you do that?

[Cut to Magician]

Magician: Well, a magician never reveals his secrets.

[Cut to Blake]

Blake: Oh, come on, man! We’re both adults.

[Cut to Magician]

Magician: Alright, you’re right. I’ll tell you. It was magic.

[Cut to Blake]

Blake: Real magic?

[Cut to Magician]

Magician: That’s right. Now for my next trick, I’m gonna need several–

[Cut to Blake]

Blake: Make me rich.

[Cut to Magician]

Magician: I’m sorry, what?

[Blake walks to the stage]

Oh, um, sir.

Blake: Use your powers and make me rich.

Magician: I can’t do that sir.

Blake: You can’t or you won’t?

Magician: Ha-ha-ha. Sir, if you’ll just have a seat.

Blake: Make me rich.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] Alright, this next trick, I’m gonna need two volunteers. How about you two? Come on, step up here. Sir, please if you’ll just step to the side.

[Beck and Kate walk to the stage to volunteer]

Great! Wow! That is a beautiful watch, my friend.

Beck: Oh, thank you. It’s an anniversary gift.

Blake: Make me rich.

Magician: [ignoring Blake ]Okay, now, um, [Magician gets a hat] what I need you to do is go ahead and place the watch inside this hat please.

[Beck puts his watch inside the hat]

Blake: Give me the power to know what women are thinking.

Magician: What? Now, I’m gonna–

Blake: So I can know what to say to them to get their tops off.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] Please, sir. Go ahead. Hold this hat for me.

Blake: Make me rich.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] Now, the funny thing about time ladies and gentlemen, is that it flies.

[Magician mimics as he caught something. The he shows that the watch Beck had put in the hat is now in his wrist.] [Magician opens the watch and gives it back to Beck]

Blake: Oh, my god! Make me rich, man!

Magician: Oh, come on dude! Now, ma’am, what I want you to do is go ahead and pick a card. [Magician places a deck of card in front of Kate]

Kate: Okay.

Blake: I wanna be able to slam dunk.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] Ah, now I want you to write your address on the back of the card. Do not let me see.

Blake: Give me indestructible bones. Wolverine claws.

Magician: Buddy! Go ahead, place the card back in the deck.

Blake: I wanna be a black guy just for one day.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] Now, you can all see that I am shuffling the cards.

Blake: Guns for hands.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] And, sir, what I want you to do is choose a second card.

Blake: Gun for hands.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] Now, don’t show it to me.

Blake: Guns for hands.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] Well, go ahead. Obviously, look at it yourself.

Blake: Chicken nuggets.

Magician: And now show everybody else. [Beck is showing the card to the audience except Magician]

Blake: I want chicken nuggets with ranch.

[Cut to Kenan in the audience]

Kenan: Dude, he’s not a waiter. He’s not gonna get you chicken nuggets.

[Cut to the stage]

Blake: Activate guns for hands.

Magician: [ignoring Blake] Ah! You know what, guys! Let’s talk about this. Sir, [cut to Magician and Blake] okay, I don’t know what it is exactly you want me to do.

Blake: Make me rich.

Magician: Alright, I’m not gonna make you rich, okay?

Blake: Chicken nuggets.

Magician: Look, sir, I’m just trying to put on a show, make a couple of bucks.

Blake: Guns for hands.

Magician: How are you not getting this? Please, I’m betting you. This is just a show.

Blake: Sir, I’m sorry. You’re right. Please continue.

[Cut to the stage]

Magician: Thank you. Finall, ha-ha-ha. Now, sir, [talking to Beck] have you memorized your card?

Beck: Yes.

Magician: Go ahead and place that card inside the hat.

Blake: Give me the power to go down on myself.

Magician: Alright, you want that? Fine! You have it! You have the power to go down on yourself. Congratulations.

Blake: You will not regret this! Yes! Thank you, sir. Thank you.

[Blake goes to the backstage behind the curtains]

Magician: Um, ladies and gentlemen, I do apologize. This has never happened before.

[Blake is making noise behind the curtains]

Blake: Activate going down on myself!

[Blake comes back to the stage]

It didn’t work, man! I did get a little bit closer, but not all the way. Could you just use a little bit more magic? I do believe in magic.

Magician: Alright.
Blake: I do.

Magician: Okay.

Blake: I do believe.

Magician: Magic isn’t real.

Blake: Ha-ha-ha-ha. I knew it! He’s a fake! I told you guys. Man, you guys are idiots. Ha-ha. He’s a fake!

[Blake leaves the stage]

Magician: I’m just joking ladies and gentlemen. Magic obviously is [he has a card in his palm. He tries to make it disappear but everybody could see the card thrown back.] very real.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Power to go down on myself!

[cheers and applause]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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