Time To Bleed

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Sasheer Zamata

Paleski… Chris Hemsworth

Ruman… Kyla Mooney

Beck Bennett

Jon Rudnitsky

Doctor… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with a crossfire between a man and police.]

Sasheer: 2-7. Shots fire at North River Street. Request backup.

[The man shoots and Paleski gets hit. The man runs.]

Paleski, you’ve been hit.

Paleski: I’m fine.

Sasheer: But you’re bleeding.

Paleski: I don’t have time to bleed. Now come on, let’s finish this.

[Paleski runs after Ruman any way] [Cut to Sasheer running into an empty floor.]

Paleski: [echo sound] Ruman.

Ruman: [looking around and pointing the gun] Where you at, Paleski? I know you’re here.

[Paleski suddenly appears behind Ruman.]

Paleski: Hey, baby.

[as Ruman turns around, Paleski punches him on hi face and Ruman faints.] [Sasheer reaches the scene]

Sasheer: 2-7. Suspect has been subdued.

Paleski: Translation, knocked the hell out.

[Paleski groaning because of the pain]

Sasheer: Okay though guy. Let’s get you to a doctor.

Paleski: Or maybe you can kiss and make it better.

[Cut to press conference held by the police]

Beck: For bravery, in the line of duty, we award this medal to Sargent Peter Paleski.

[Paleski receives the medal.]

Sasheer: I didn’t know they give award to stubborn sons of bitches.

Paleski: Yeah, I’ll hang them in my bad. Would you come see them sometime?

[Paleski groaning]

Sasheer: What’s wrong? [Paleski is still bleeding] Oh, my god! Did you not go to the hospital?

Paleski: Relax. I’m fine.

Sasheer: Paleski, you don’t need to be the tough guy anymore. You need to see a doctor.

Paleski: I will. But first I gotta finish this thing all the way.

[Cut to Sasheer and Paleski working at the office. Paleski is bleeding but he’s still turning papers on his desk with his bloody hands.]

Sasheer: Okay, this is just stupid.

Paleski: It’s the job, okay? You know, paper work is the job.

Sasheer: You’re getting blood everywhere.

Paleski: You know, I know another place where we can get my blood from. It’s my penis.

Sasheer: It doesn’t make sense.

[Jon walks in]

Jon: Bad news, Ruman made bail.

[Paleski bands the table]

Paleski: God dammit! I gotta go blow off some steam.

[Cut to Paleski hitting the boxing pads. He’s still bleeding so he doesn’t have the strength.] [Sasheer walks in]

Sasheer: You really don’t look good.

Paleski: Yah, maybe on opposite’s day.

Sasheer: I think you have lead poisoning from that bullet.

Paleski: You know, I got a little bullet in my penis too.

[Paleski falls down.] [Cut to Paleski laying on a hospital bed. Sasheer is sitting beside him.]

Paleski: Looks like you finally got your wish.

[door knock] [Doctor walks in]

Doctor: Bad news, Mr. Paleski. I’m afraid your insurance doesn’t cover elective surgeries. Can’t give you those calf implants after all.

Sasheer: No. He’s here coz he got shot.

Doctor: Huh? Not what he told me.

Paleski: Don’t listen to her. She’s joking.

[Paleski removes the blanket and he is bleeding all over the bed.] [Paleski walks out on the patient’s gown bleeding all over it.]

Sasheer: No! What is your problem? Dammit, Paleski. You need to take care of yourself. I need to–

[Ruman jumps in and holds Sasheer at a gun point from behind]

Ruman: You really thought you could beat me?

[Paleski is trying to aim at Ruman but he can’t because he is shaking.]

Sasheer: Don’t shoot Paleski. You can’t make the shot.

Paleski: Tell me that tomorrow when you’re making me breakflahh—

Sasheer: Are you saying breakfast?

[Paleski shoots. He gets Ruman the third time.]

Sasheer: Nice shot, Paleski.

[Cut to Sasheer and Paleski waking up on the same bed.]

Looks like you got your Christmas gift after all.

[The bed is full of blood.] [Sasheer shakes Paleski’s shoulder]

Oh, he’s dead.

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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