Tina Fey
Amy Poehler
[Starts with SNL monologue intro.]
[band is playing music one the stage]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.
[Tina Fey and Amy Poehler walks in and to the stage]
[cheers and applause]
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler: Thank you. I’m so happy to be back home hosting Saturday Night Live.
Amy Poehler: Sorry, we’ve been…
Tina Fey: Together for…
Amy Poehler: The past two months non stop…
Tina Fey: We’re at the point where we’re…
Amy Poehler: Finishing each other’s centi…
Tina Fey: Pedes.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler: Human centipedes. It’s our favorite Christmas movie.
Tina Fey: We have been friends for like… 20 years.
Amy Poehler: [cross talk] Six years.
Tina Fey: I’ve liked her longer. But here is a picture of us when we were young improvisers back in Chicago.
[Cut to an old picture of young Tina Fey and Amy Poehler]
So young and so sweaty.
Amy Poehler: And we’re like sisters which made it very easy for us to play sisters in our new movie Star Wars.
Tina Fey: And, like sisters, we are totally bonded but very different.
Amy Poehler: For example, I’ve kind of liked things that are more modern and fun.
Tina Fey: And I am extremely traditional and dangerously religious.
Amy Poehler: But two things we both love are Christmas and making money off of original Christmas songs.
Tina Fey: So, to showcase our different flavors, we wrote this original Christmas song. Hit it, Amy!
[music playing. It sounds like a happy song.]
Amy Poehler: Merry Christmas baby
I’m wrapping up my heart for you.
Merry Christmas baby
make my Christmas dream come true
Santa shouldn’t bother
coz I don’t need any other
besides my Christmas baby
baby, that’s you
[music changes. It is a lot slower now.]
Tina Fey: Merry Christmas babies,
Harriet has said how you must die
doctor swaddled babies
hide them in the hay and cry
the rest shall come today
from the centurion god
for the taxation level
upon them is one most foul and dear
Amy Poehler: It is so important. Tina, you’re nailing it.
[music changes to the happy one again. Kenan, Taran and Bobby join Amy Poehler dancing.]
Merry Christmas baby
no need to get a present for me
Merry Christmas baby
you’re all I want beneath that tree
[music changes to slower again.]
Tina Fey: Merry Christmas Yezu
[Kenan, Taran and Bobby join Tina Fey by holding candles and standing behind her with their eyes closed.]
born on to summaria
from the town of Piershiva
to the Yamak river deep.
glory, glory, glory
sons of Abraham
watching on our souls
with a herd of sacred lamb
Ladies and gentlemen, the SNL’s gaymen’s chorus.
[music changes to the happy one again. Kenan, Taran and Bobby join Amy Poehler dancing.]
Amy Poehler: Merry Christmas baby
I know we’ll have a jolly night
Merry Christmas baby
all I want is you to hold me tight
[music changes to slower again.]
Tina Fey: For the Romans are cruel
and the Pharisees are worse
This is so fun. This is why it works. She is the peanut butter in my salami.
Amy Poehler: Not really a combo.
Tina Fey: It is in my mouth. This is so– you wanna switch for a minute?
Amy Poehler: Sure. Not really.
[happy music playing]
Tina Fey: Merry Christmas baby
gonna stop all things on you
Merry Christmas baby
coz I love you baby, that is true
[music changes to slower again.]
Amy Poehler: Wise men have to send in
from Ishyalal Hasbas
That’s great stuff Tina but it might be a little dry on a tone.
Tina Fey: Well, then let’s do a mash up. You wanna put your salami on my peanut butter?
Amy Poehler: Wouldn’t be the first time.
[happy music playing]
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler: Merry Christmas baby
Virgin Mary was a special lady
Merry Christmas baby
Tina Fey: Whoo!
Amy Poehler: Whoo!
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler: We’ve got a great show tonight. Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band are here. So stick around, we’ll be right back.
[The End]
