Beck Bennett
Kyle Mooney
Sasheer Zamata
Bobby Moynihan
Jess… Reese Witherspoon
Cecily Strong
Kenan Thompson
[Starts with a video clip of water park.]
Beck: Okay, you’re up now.
Kyle: Watch it!
Sasheer: Oh, my god! Everybody knows how to ride a water slide.
Beck: Really? Well, tell that to me two summers ago. I didn’t slide safe and I messed up my jaw.
Kyle: Now, he can’t say cinnamons.
Beck: Slomonon.
Kyle: Arms in, you’re good to go.
[Sasheer slides down]
Beck: Next rider.
[Bobby walks up to the slide. He has his shirt all messed up with food.]
Wait! You puked in a lazy river this morning.
Bobby: No, I didn’t.
Kyle: That’s puke on your shirt.
Bobby: No, it’s not.
[Bobby slides down]
[sound of Bobby puking]
Beck: Argh!
Kyle: Man! He yaked again!
Beck: He yaked! I knew it was him.
[Jess walks to them]
Jess: What’s up guys?
Beck: Oh, what’s up, Jess?
Kyle: You’re looking good today.
Beck: Yeah, you’re looking better than yesterday.
Kyle: Well, that’s impossible. I don’t even know if it’s possible.
Beck and Kyle: Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Jess: You guys are so funny. Hey, can one of you guys do me, such a huge solemn, and screen my shoulders. It’s totally scorch.
Beck: Oh, I got it Jess.
Kyle: I’ll all about sun safety.
Beck: I got it first dude!
Kyle: Fuck off, Chad!
Beck: You fuck off, yeah!
Jess: I don’t know. You guys are too much. Just do it together.
Beck: Oh, dang, Jess, you got a lot of moles.
Kyle: I feel like a blind guy. I’m like reading your skin or something.
Jess: Thanks. My mom says it gives me personality. And my dad and I don’t speak. Oh, man, that feels bomb!
Beck: Yeah!
Kyle: It’s bomb right there.
Beck: Bomb, dude!
Jess: Yeah.
[Cut to the the line of people for slide ]
Cecily: Um, can I go? Or should I just freaking stand here until I’m freaking thousand freaking years old?
Jess: We’re having a staff meeting right now.
Cecily: Oh, well, okay. I’m gonna go down.
[Cut to Beck, Kyle and Jess]
Kyle: Whatever, we don’t care.
[sound of Cecily sliding and hitting something]
Cecily: Ouch! My freaking chin!
[Kenan comes in running and tired]
Kenan: Jess!
Jess: Ya!
Kenan: Some kid over the Gubby’s Grotto wedged his dork into one of the jets. He’s weaking out!
Jess: Ah! That is our third hog pog this week.
Kenan: Hey, you gotta hole in some warm water. These little perverts are gonna plug it.
Jess: Alright guys. I gotta roll. And um, I’ll be down for riding your Jeep sometimes. Later!
Kyle: Cool! I’ll ask my dad if I can borrow it.
[Cut to the the line of people for slide ]
Beck: Oh! Yeah. Oh, man! Line’s long as hell.
Kyle: Come on, make us some time.
Beck: Alright, everybody down at once.
Kyle: Just go! Just go!
Beck: Hustle! Hustle!
Kyle: I did my job!
Beck: Yes, dude! Ha-ha. Give me a water-five, dude!
[Beck and Kyle do high-five]
[The End]
