Weekend Update 1


Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Weekend Update intro]

Announcer: It’s Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.

[cheers and applause] [Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che in their news set.]

Michael Che: What’s up, everybody?

Colin Jost: Welcome to Weekend Update. I’m Colin Jost.

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. And here are tonight’s top stories.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Department of Justice logo at right top corner.]

According to a Justice Department report on Ferguson police, African American’s make up 93% of all arrest in the city. 93%? That is high. It’s only 92% in Nigeria. 93% means, if 92 people get arrested in Ferguson, 9 of them are black and one of them is kind of beige. I wanna know what did the 7% of white people get arrested for? What was it? Not arresting enough black people?

The review found that 88% of the cases involving the use of force were against African Americans. Black residents say they found the police report almost as shocking as they found the police tasers.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Hillary Clinton at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Hillary Clinton tweeted this week that she has asked the State Department to release all of her emails from her years as Secretary of State. No word yet on the identity of the lucky individual who has to read through 50,000 emails from a grandma. I’m just excited because based on the emails I get from my grandma, there’s gonna be some pretty interesting stuff about Obama.

[Picture changes to an email where subject is as “FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: KENYAN:”.] [Picture changes to Benjamin Netanyahu]

This week, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu came to address congress about the threat from Iran. And he left as the front runner for the 2016 republican nomination.

[Picture changes to an airplane]

A Delta airplane skidded off a snowy runway while landing at New York’s Laguardia airport slamming through a fence and almost falling into the bay. But the good news is, [Picture changes to a pilot with a glass of whiskey] the pilot didn’t even spill his drink. Afterwards, passengers were safely removed from the airplane, at which point Delta charged them $45 crash survival fee.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Bill Clinton at right top corner.]

Michael Che: The artist who painted Bill Clinton’s official portrait revealed that he painted a shadow in the shape of the dress to represent affairs with Monica Lewinsky. Also, it’s suttle, but if you look very closely at the painting, you can see that Clinton is not wearing pants.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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