Michael Che[Starts with Weekend Update intro]
Announcer: It’s Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.[cheers and applause] [Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che in their news set.]
Colin Jost: Good evening everyone.
Michael Che: Welcome to Weekend Update. I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. And here are tonight’s top stories.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture from a scene from Game of Thrones at left top corner.]
This Sunday is the premiere of Game of Thrones. This season focuses on a woman from a once powerful family who will stop at nothing to claim her rightful place on the throne. Based on the true story of [Picture changes to Hillary Clinton] Hillary Clinton. I guess that does explain Hillary’s new campaign slogan ‘Winter is Coming’.
Sources say that tomorrow Hillary Clinton will formally announce her presidential campaign. Early polling shows that Hillary has a substantial lead over her nearest democratic challenger, the margin of error.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Barack Obama and Raul Castro at right top corner.]
Michael Che: At the Summit of Americas on Friday, president Obama shook hands with Cuban president Raul Castro. But don’t get your hopes up for peace because the only time I’ve ever seen a black guy and Cuban guy shake hands was [Picture changes to a boxing match] in the ring before fight.
Rand Paul announced that he is running for president and his slogan will be ‘Defeat the Washington machine, unleash the American dream’, which is lot better than Jeff Bush’s slogan, ‘Buy two Bush’s, get one free.”[Picture changed to apple watch]
Apple made it’s new watch available for pre-order on Friday. Consumers are disappointed that it doesn’t have a camera while police are happy that it doesn’t have a camera. What? Cops hate pictures. It’s like their least favorite thing to shoot.