Michael Che[Starts with Weekend Update intro]
Announcer: It’s Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.[cheers and applause] [Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che in their news set.]
Michael Che: What’s up everybody?
Colin Jost: Welcome to Weekend Update. I’m Colin Jost.
Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. And here are tonight’s top stories.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Hillary Clinton at right top corner.]
A new poll shows that Hillary Clinton’s poll numbers have dropped two points since she made her presidential campaign official. Because for some reason, once a woman makes it official, we suddenly start to lose interest.
Hillary Clinton has reportedly met with potential donors for her presidential super pac just three weeks after she criticized that fund raising practice. The super pac’s name is Hillary’s Political Action Committee for Democracy, or HiPacRacy.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s ap icture of Patriots and NFL logo at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: An NFL investigation has concluded that the New England Patriots likely cheated by deflating footballs used in the AFC Championship game. The investigation was conducted by [Picture changes to angry Bill Belichick] just looking at Bill Belichick.
Several new candidates entered the race for the republican nomination this week including Carly Fiorina, Dr. Ben Carson and governor Huckabee. So I’m pretty sure the only way to make this group less exciting would be to add [Picture changes to Hawkeye from Avengers movie] Hawkeye.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Dr. Ben Carson at top right corner.]
Michael Che: This week, Dr. Ben Carson announced that he will seek the republican presidential nomination. Of course, most republicans know Dr. Carson by the nickname, ‘Some of my best friends’.