Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Barbara Walters at right top corner.]
Michael Che: ABC is denying that Barbara Walters wants to replace Rosie O’Donnell with Monica Lewinsky on ‘The View’. Said an ABC spokesman, “We have not had contractual relations with that woman. Maybe an old remit, but that doesn’t count.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a shape-shifting metal at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Researchers in China have developed shape-shifting liquid metal machines, while researchers here in the US have developed a breakfast sandwich with [Picture changes to a Taco Bell Hash Brow] the hash browns on the inside. So, good luck with your real life version of a dude from the Terminator, China! We’ll be here in America eating Tacos for breakfast.[Picture changes to candies, flowers and a calendar marked on April-5]
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. So, to all you Christians out there, happy Easter. And to the Jews, nice try![Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a kid smoking cigarette and Indonesian flag on right top corner.]
Michael Che: You just started a holy war. The parents of a 6 year old Indonesian boy who is addicted to smoking say that he is cut down to 5 cigarettes a day. That’s very impressive considering how stressed he has been at the sneaker factory.[Picture changes to a brothel house]
Nevada’s fame Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel is searching for a quality control tester who will be paid to have sex with prostitutes and rate their performance. The prostitutes will be graded from a scale from “F” to “Don’t F”[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a pregnant woman and Uber logo at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A woman in Brooklyn gave birth in the back of an Uber car on the way to the hospital. This according to a zero-star review from the next passenger.