Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Prince William and Kate at right top corner.]
Michael Che: It was announced this morning that Prince William and Kate gave birth to a baby girl weighing 8 pounds, three ounces. So she’s only a day old and all anybody can talk about is her weight?
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Abercrombie & Fitch plaque at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Abercrombie & Fitch has announced plans to no longer hire employees based on attractiveness, which should make the first new guy they hire feel great!
[Picture changes to Bruce Jenner]
In an interview with Diane Sawyer last week, Bruce Jenner revealed that he self identifies as a woman. It was a moving and brave interview. And obviously this is a delicate subject to talk about. But as a comedy show, we still need to make jokes about it. So here we go. You know, the thing with Bruce Jenner is– and like I said, he’s brave and um… and um… Michael, you wanna jump in here?
Michael Che: Nope!
Colin Jost: Okay. You know, there’s one thing… You know, actually Michael and I were talking back stage…
Michael Che: No man, that was just you.
Colin Jost: Okay, well, here’s the thing. I just feel like any way you slice it…
Michael Che: No, do not say slice.
Colin Jost: Okay, ya, you know what? I think it’s maybe better even just to–
Michael Che: Move on!
Colin Jost: — move on! Yeah. Back to you, Michael.
Michael Che: Thank you.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Slavery Museum at right top corner.]
Let’s get to something less chilling. The first museum in America dedicated entirely to slavery has opened on a form of sugar plantation Louisiana. Said one museum employee, “Help! This ain’t no damn museum!”
