Weekend Update 2

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Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of planet Mars at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Researchers have announced they have found the strongest evidence yet of flowing water on Mars. Sadly, all the fountains had signs that read, [Picture changes to drinking water fountain with alien sign on it] “Greens only”. You got long way to go on that planet too.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Donald Trump and Dr. Ben Carson at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: A new poll of republican voters shows that Donald Trump is now tied with Ben Carson for first place. With both candidates polling an exactly too many percent (toomany%).

[The picture changes to a Burgen King’s black burger.]

Burger King has introduced a Halloween themed burger that has a black bun. Oh, sure, but when I turn black for Halloween, I’m setting back race relation.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che. Michael Che is not happy with Colin Jost’s joke] [Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a book ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ at right top corner.]

Michael Che: I begged you not to do that. The author who wrote children’s book under the name Lemony Snicket, announced that he is donating $1 million to Planned Parenthood. It’s an amount that will cover a whole series of Unfortunate Events.

[The picture changes to a sea turtle]

Scientists have discovered a sea turtle in the south pacific that is the first glowing reptile ever found. And this just in, it’s been shot by a dentist.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Garth Brooks at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Garth Brooks claims that he has lost all of the new material for an upcoming album after his phone containing the songs died. Or, more likely, killed itself.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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