Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che. There’s a picture of a kid an a handgun at right top corner.]
Michael Che: A two year old in South Carilona found a revolver in the car and ended up shooting his grandmother in the back. Like a coward! Which by the way, this would have never happened if the grandmother also had a gun. Perfect logic.[Picture changes to space]
Astronomers have discovered a mysterious object orbiting a distant star and speculate that it may be a massive alien super structure. So, that’s it, folks. We’re all dead. We had a good run, didn’t we Jost?
Colin Jost: I’m sorry. You’re not gonna tell a joke?
Michael Che: Ain’t no joke man. The aliens are coming. And when they do, one of two things are gonna happen. Either they’re gonna eat us, or they’re gonna have sex with us. That’s the only reason people travel. It’s just true. Anytime my friends come back from vacation, they tell me two things. What they ate and who they had sex with. And I’m scared. I’m scared that soon earth is gonna be alien Thailand. Where strange alien businessmen make us do weird tricks with pingpong balls.[Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che]
I don’t got the hips for that, Colin.
Colin Jost: I’m sorry. Alien businessmen? What are you talking about?
Michael Che: Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what I’m– Listen, I live in a all white neighborhood, okay? I do. And every time I look out of my window, I see white people jogging, all of them. And I’m like, “What are these white people training for?” Now, I know. Y’all trying to leave us.
Colin Jost: I man, yeah. But…