Michael Che[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of toys at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: An advocacy group has released it’s annual list of hazardous toys which includes dinosaur claws from Jurassic world and a folding trampoline. Bad news for kids whose role model is the Terrano Raptor. [Picture changes to a person dunking basketball on a red dinosaur costume using a trampoline.] [Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of
Michael Che: Why would he be a role model? Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal announced that he is ending his campaign for president after getting really tired of telling the other candidates that he was not the IT guy. It’s an innocent mistake.[Picture changes to Radioshack logo]
Radioshack is hoping to boost it’s holiday profits with early Black Friday sales and staying open on Thanksgiving day. You may know Radioshack from their slogan, “Hey! Didn’t I use to be a Radioshack?”[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a cat at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A new study suggest that house cat share similar personality traits with African lions. And if they were bigger, they would kill their owners… instead of just waiting for them to die of loneliness.[Michael Che laughing hard] [Picture changes to Subway Jared Fogle and a judge gavel.]
Former Subway Sandwich spokesman Jared Fogle who pleaded guilty for having sex with minors was sentenced to 15 years in prison. Fogle said he was just happy to get anything under 18.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of shipping containers piled up at right top corner.]
Michael Che: How did you think that was gonna end?
Colin Jost: I thought it would be uplifting.
Michael Che: Ha-ha-ha. A housing developer in Arizona has created new apartments costing a $1,000 a month that are made out of shipping containers. It’s all part of his plans to trick Mexicans.[Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che]
It’s not my plan.
This Thursday is Thanksgiving and in the spirit of cultural exchange between the pilgrims and the native Americans, Colin and I would like to have an exchange of our own.
Colin Jost: That’s right. That’s why we’ve each picked a joke that we wrote and we’re letting the other one tell it. Che, why don’t you go first?
Michael Che: I sure will, buddy.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of an old notebook at right top corner.]
Adolf Hitler’s Meni– Jesus! Adolf Hitler’s manifesto ‘Mein Kampf’ will return to German book stores in January after nearly 70 years. But I don’t know, I might just wait to read it on ‘Mein Kindle;.
Come on, man! That is a cheap one.
Colin Jost: I know. That’s true but I bet you did not see it coming.[Cut to Colin Jost. Thre’s a picture of caduceus at left top corner.]
Michael Che: Alright. [laughs] Just tell your joke, man.
Colin Jost: Okay.
Michael Che: This is the one you wrote for me?Yeah.
Colin Jost: Alright. A team of doctors will soon perform a surgery that uses muscle and skin from a man’s arm to give him a new penis which he was born without. And before the man with no penis goes into surgery, let me just say this, “Good luck, Colin.” [Picture changes to Colin Jost]
Now that’s not…
Michael Che: Be thankful for what you got, Colin.
Colin Jost: that’s not the spirit.
Michael Che: Happy Thanksgiving bud. [laughing] [Cut to Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Don’t encourage him.