Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che. There’s a picture of USA map and bed bugs at right top corner.]Michael Che: According to an annual ranking by Orkin Pest Control, the places in America with the worst bed bug problems Chicago, Detroit and your mama.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There is a picture of replay sign at left top corner.]Colin Jost: The inventor of the instant replay died this week at the age of 81. Let’s see that again.
[Cut to the instant replay of what Colin just said in slow motion. He then gets hit by a football.] [Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Ireland flag and LGBTQ rainbow colors at left top corner.]Ireland’s minister of health this week announced that he is gay. Becoming the first openly gay government figure in Irish history. Of course in Ireland, gay just means you have less than eight kids.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of cake being decorated at right top corner.]Michael Che: The owner of a bakery was sued after she refused the customers request to write “God hates homosexuality” on a cake. “Alright, then change it to ‘I’m running for President'” said Rick Santorum. [Picture changes to Rick Santorum.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Johnny Depp at left top corner.]Colin Jost: Johnny Depp this week criticized actors who become musicians saying the whole idea makes him sick. Depp believes that only other thing an actor should become is [Picture changes to Johnny Depp’s picture where he is wearing a lot of scarfs] a french scarf monster.
