Weekend Update Deenie talks about soap opera


Colin Jost

Deenie… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well it’s almost 2016 and it’s time to reflect on what happened on some of your favorite shows. Here with the daytime drama wrap up is somebody’s mom, Deenie.

[Deenie slides in with a box of food she is eating.]

Welcome, I love your sweater.

Deenie: Oh thanks. I got it out of garage cell but I washed it. You two are riot by the way.

Colin Jost: Oh, thank you.

Deenie: Love ya.

Colin Jost: Thanks very much. So, is this been a good year for yourself?

Deenie: Oh, have they ever getting good?

Colin Jost: Yeah.

Deenie: There are so many good characters on there this year, you know? Like, what’s his name? Mustache man.

Colin Jost: Mustache man? Okay, what did he do?

[Cut to Deenie]

Deenie: Yes, so mustache hired the guy who looked like red head husband while perfect skin was tied to the bed in the boathouse.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]

Colin Jost: I’m sorry, who?

Deenie: Yeah. [Cut to Deenie] And then sex part gets involved with it. And now his wife Dark hair is gonna be so pissed off, she’s gonna kill mustache.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]

Colin Jost: Who is mustache?

Deenie: Mustache, the rich one. The one who owns the fish cannery with his kids, you know mustache. The kids are hottie, sex–[laughs], and skinny-minny. Oh, and pris pants we had with big boobs.

Colin Jost: Okay, I’m sorry, you know the names of any of these characters?

[Cut to Deenie]

Deenie: No. I kind of half watch it while I’m coloring in my adult coloring book. It’s good for you brain.

Colin Jost: Good for your brain. [Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie] And what are you eating there?

Deenie: Oh, it’s baked salmon. [Cut to Deenie] My favorite part are the skin and grey part along the bottom. I’m sorry. Is the smell making you hungry?

[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]

Colin Jost: Um, no. Not hungry, no. Back to your soaps, I’m at the edge of my seat here.

[Cut to Deenie]

Deenie: Okay, no, but get this, big boobs was stuck in the skyscraper fire with military jackter who’s got the hatch for big boobs.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]

Colin Jost: Yeah. And now, how long have you been watching this soap?

Deenie: Everyday for 40 years.

Colin Jost: And which on do you watch?

[Cut to Deenie]

Deenie: The one before the other one. It’s got the piano music at the beginning.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]

Colin Jost: Piano music. Like, Young and the restless?

Deenie: Sure.

Colin Jost: So, what do you think is in store for the New Year?

[Cut to Deenie]

Deenie: Oh, I’m gonna chill in my aunt’s place for a bout a month and then I’ll take my tree down.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]

Colin Jost: No, I mean the soaps.

Deenie: Oh! Okay. [Colin Jost is laughing] I will keep you posted.

[Colin Jost pushes away the lunch box away from him]

Colin Jost: You’ll keep me posted?

Deenie: I just hope they don’t cut  stupid election garbage because cotton candy had said something rude about zarpado er bj in the White House’s wife.

Colin Jost: Okay. Deenie, everybody.

Deenie: You want some? [passing the lunchbox]

Colin Jost: No, no, I’m good. Okay, a little bit.

Michael Che: That fish smells terrible.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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