Colin Jost
Deenie… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Well it’s almost 2016 and it’s time to reflect on what happened on some of your favorite shows. Here with the daytime drama wrap up is somebody’s mom, Deenie.
[Deenie slides in with a box of food she is eating.]
Welcome, I love your sweater.
Deenie: Oh thanks. I got it out of garage cell but I washed it. You two are riot by the way.
Colin Jost: Oh, thank you.
Deenie: Love ya.
Colin Jost: Thanks very much. So, is this been a good year for yourself?
Deenie: Oh, have they ever getting good?
Colin Jost: Yeah.
Deenie: There are so many good characters on there this year, you know? Like, what’s his name? Mustache man.
Colin Jost: Mustache man? Okay, what did he do?
[Cut to Deenie]
Deenie: Yes, so mustache hired the guy who looked like red head husband while perfect skin was tied to the bed in the boathouse.
[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]
Colin Jost: I’m sorry, who?
Deenie: Yeah. [Cut to Deenie] And then sex part gets involved with it. And now his wife Dark hair is gonna be so pissed off, she’s gonna kill mustache.
[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]
Colin Jost: Who is mustache?
Deenie: Mustache, the rich one. The one who owns the fish cannery with his kids, you know mustache. The kids are hottie, sex–[laughs], and skinny-minny. Oh, and pris pants we had with big boobs.
Colin Jost: Okay, I’m sorry, you know the names of any of these characters?
[Cut to Deenie]
Deenie: No. I kind of half watch it while I’m coloring in my adult coloring book. It’s good for you brain.
Colin Jost: Good for your brain. [Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie] And what are you eating there?
Deenie: Oh, it’s baked salmon. [Cut to Deenie] My favorite part are the skin and grey part along the bottom. I’m sorry. Is the smell making you hungry?
[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]
Colin Jost: Um, no. Not hungry, no. Back to your soaps, I’m at the edge of my seat here.
[Cut to Deenie]
Deenie: Okay, no, but get this, big boobs was stuck in the skyscraper fire with military jackter who’s got the hatch for big boobs.
[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]
Colin Jost: Yeah. And now, how long have you been watching this soap?
Deenie: Everyday for 40 years.
Colin Jost: And which on do you watch?
[Cut to Deenie]
Deenie: The one before the other one. It’s got the piano music at the beginning.
[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]
Colin Jost: Piano music. Like, Young and the restless?
Deenie: Sure.
Colin Jost: So, what do you think is in store for the New Year?
[Cut to Deenie]
Deenie: Oh, I’m gonna chill in my aunt’s place for a bout a month and then I’ll take my tree down.
[Cut to Colin Jost and Deenie]
Colin Jost: No, I mean the soaps.
Deenie: Oh! Okay. [Colin Jost is laughing] I will keep you posted.
[Colin Jost pushes away the lunch box away from him]
Colin Jost: You’ll keep me posted?
Deenie: I just hope they don’t cut stupid election garbage because cotton candy had said something rude about zarpado er bj in the White House’s wife.
Colin Jost: Okay. Deenie, everybody.
Deenie: You want some? [passing the lunchbox]
Colin Jost: No, no, I’m good. Okay, a little bit.
Michael Che: That fish smells terrible.
