Weekend Update Girl at a Party

0
(0)

Michael Che

The girl… Cecily Strong

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: It was reported today that Boko Haram has joined forces with the terrorist group ISIS. Here with her thoughts on the subject is the girl you wish you hadn’t started conversation with at the party.

[The girl slides in]

The girl: Alright Michael. Thank me for having you back.

Michael Che: Thank– Alright, sure. Whatever. So, what do you think about this Boko Haram situation?

The girl: What do I think about it? [Cut to The girl] I think it is inexcusitive, okay? It’s a cardastrophy! It’s unremaginable! Just look at the sadistics, Michael.

[Cut to The girl and Michael Che]

For every 10 people, there are 20 people. And what? We’re just supposed to give them all the death penalty? No! Like, American needs to grow up. But also, it needs to look like 15 years younger.

[Cut to The girl using her mobile phone]

I just friended you. Accept me.

[Cut to The girl and Michael Che]

Michael Che: I’m sorry. Is this still about Boko Haram?

The girl: Open your eyes, Michael. Measles, Ebola, charter school. Sometimes I’m like, Salami Hussain was right. [Cut to The girl] And then healthcare? Everyone’s talking about HMOs. Um, how about just calling them gay people?

[Cut to The girl Michael Che and The girl]

Michael Che: Okay, I don’t think anyone is following what the hell you are sayin.

The girl: Michael! How would you feel if I went into your neighborhood and burned your house down?

Michael Che: I’d feel bad.

The girl: Exactly! And that’s exactly how they feel.

Michael Che: Who?

The girl: Fires! [Cut to The girl] If you took all the homeless women in the world and set them on top of each other, pffft. Zynga, Michael. Zynga.

[Cut to Michael Che and The girl]

So, can I draw a cartoon of Mohammad real quick?

Michael Che: No!

The girl: Alright, fine! Fine. I need to give you this thing my friend Rhodney printed out. It’s a map quest directions. Like, nobody knows where it leads.

Michael Che: It says it on here. It’s direction to Forever 21.

The girl: By the way, Michael, what are you doing for spring break?

Michael Che: Oh, I might go to Puerto Rico.

The girl: Oh, I’m bringing democracy to Syria. Via Instagram. Oh look, it’s Karina. Karina! Are you dancing? Oh, she’s having a tiny seizure.

Michael Che: Okay, I think you just need to go.

The girl: Yeah! Actually, I do need to go Michael. Coz some of us are actually solving progress. [audience laughing] Coz if we don’t, in 800 years our children won’t even be alive. So, can I draw a cartoon of Mohammad real quick?

Michael Che: No!

The girl: Alright. Now, close your eyes. [Michael Che closes his eyes] Open them. [Michael Che opens his eyes] Close them. [Michael Che closes his eyes] Open just the left. [Michael Che opens his left eye] Wink at me. [Michael Che winks at The girl] Congratulations, that’s assault.

Michael Che: The girl you wish you hadn’t started conversation at the party, everyone! For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments