Weekend Update Leslie Jones on Breaking Bad


Colin Jost

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Golden Globe nominations were announced this week honoring the best in film and television. Here to comment is our own Leslie Jones.

[Leslie Jones slides in] [cheers and applause]

Leslie Jones: Yeah! Merry Christmas you frothy glass of eggnog.

Colin Jost: Thank you. Welcome Leslie. Merry Christmas. So what do you think of this year’s nominees?

Leslie Jones: Man, I’m mad as hell, Colin. [Cut to Leslie Jones] I can’t believe the golden globe snub the greatest show on television, Breaking Bad.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Okay, wait. Leslie–

Leslie Jones: Don’t interrupt me.

Colin Jost: Okay.

Leslie Jones: Okay? So the dad from Malcolm in the Middle gets cancer. He starts cooking meth. [Cut to Leslie Jones] Great idea, right? But his wife Skylar doesn’t approve. I mean Mr. White is making a million dollars a day, Colin. A day! And she still not happy. I’m like, “You need to get your ass your there and juggle them balls, bitch!” That is your purpose.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Leslie, Breaking Bad came out seven years ago on AMC.

Leslie Jones: What the hell is AMC? Don’t they make hatchbacks or something like that? I can’t believe you ain’t telling me about Breaking Bad.

Colin Jost: What are you talking about? I told you about it all the time.

Leslie Jones: Man, I’m always trying to have sex with you. You think I hear you talk?

[Cut to Leslie Jones] Anyway, Mr. White is making a million dollars a day. So, it got me thinking about my retirement. You know what I’m saying? So I enrolled myself in a nice cool chemistry class.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Hold on, wait a second. Are you saying you’re gonna start making meth?

Leslie Jones: Eventually. [Cut to Leslie Jones] We haven’t got to the meth yet. We’re still making volcanoes. They won’t let us get to the good stuff. But I already stole all the beakers and the bunsen burners from the joint and I bought a RV and parked it our there by the tree.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Wait a second. You’re saying you took a mobile meth lab, parked it under the Christmas tree of Rockefeller Center?

Leslie Jones: Yeah! The only thing I need now is emotionally damaged white boy. You wanna be my Jessie Jones?

Colin Jost: Of course, yes, I will be, Leslie. But I’m not emotionally damaged.

Leslie Jones: Oh, you will be when I’m finished with you.

Colin Jost: Okay. Leslie Jones, everyone!

Leslie Jones: Woo! We’re cooking it, baby!

Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 5 / 5. Vote count: 1

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x