Leslie Jones[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: A new study says that 40% of American households have a woman as the primary breadwinner, suggesting that traditional gender roles may be changing. Here with her thought on the subject is our own, Leslie Jones.[Leslie Jones slides in]
Leslie Jones: Whooo![cheers and applause]
Great to be here, Colin.
Colin Jost: Great to have you, Leslie. Now, do you think that gender roles are changing?
Leslie Jones: Hell, yeah, you tall glass of egg-whites.[Cut to Leslie Jones]
Gender roles are changing. Especially men, because y’all man-bitches now. You know those little hair-less boys crammed into skinny jeans texting about their feelings with emojis? Emojis! I don’t want no damn smiley face or no thumbs up, and no man should ever be sending me the word “Yay”. Not even if you on a roller-coaster. This one dude that I was sexed in with, he sent me that little eggplant. And I was like, “That’s racist.” But then my friend told me that eggplant was supposed to be a penis. And I was like, “What penises are you looking at?” Don’t send me vegetables. Send me some real.[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Okay now, so Leslie, you want guys to send you pictures of their junk?
Leslie Jones: You’re damn right I do, you tingly white crisp-strip thing. I just want to have you in all night.
Colin Jost: Oh! Well, right back at you, you delicious chocolate–
Leslie Jones: No, stop!
Colin Jost: No? Okay.
Leslie Jones: It only work when I do it.
Colin Jost: I get that.
Leslie Jones: When I do it, it roll.
Colin Jost: I apologize.[Cut to Leslie Jones]
Leslie Jones: Listen man-bitches. Don’t send me in any pictures of that shaved junk either. I want it to be a mess down there. Not that smooth polished junk like you don’t wanna get a scratch on coz I’m going to scratch it up. I even went to Italy and they was just man-bitches with accents, Colin. I mean, there was this one little dude who started kissing me, but then his drunk friend started puking everywhere. So, my little pies on had to take him home. And that’s what a man-bitch does. You know what I’m saying? Coz a real man leaves his sick friend on the couch and takes me upstairs and put his gladiator into my Colosseum.[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Leslie Jones, everyone.
Leslie Jones: Are you entertained?[Cut to Michael Che]
Michael Che: That was about gender roles.