Michael Che
Riblet… Bobby Moynihan
[Starts with Michael Che in his set. There’s a picture of a haunted mansion at right top corner.]Michael Che: A haunted ten bedroom mansion in Staten Island has been–
Male voice: [interrupting the news] Psst! Hey yo, Che!
Michael Che: [ignoring] — hold on sale for over $two million.
[Riblet is standing behind the camera]Riblet: Yo Che! Come on, the boys are in the court! Come on man!
Michael Che: What are you doing, man? We are live right now.
[Riblet turns around and looks at cameras]Riblet: Are we live? Yo, from New York? [Riblet runs to Michael Che behind the desk] Oh, yo! Introduce me, Che! Yo, come on! Don’t be a rude dude! What’s going down?
Michael Che: This is my buddy from high school, Riblet.
Riblet: Yeah! It’s Riblet baby!
Michael Che: Riblet, I told you last time. Please don’t bother me when I’m working, man!
Riblet: Oh, wow! Oh, so now I’m bothering you? Whilst you are working? Because it looks like you just sitting, Che!
Michael Che: I am not just sitting. I am working hard!
Riblet: Oh, please! [Cut to Riblet] I work at Friendly’s, boo! And I run Star Wars tribute night. What does that mean? I don’t work hord? I’m confused.
[Cut to Riblet and Michael Che]Michael Che: Yeah, that’s exactly what it means. You don’t work hord. This is not easy, Riblet!
Riblet: Oh! Oh, but Michael, it is baby! Even Riblet can do you jorb. Check-check-check it out.
[Cut to Riblet. There’s a picture of eyelash at right top corner.]{Reading news] A new study shows that humans have long eyelashes to keep their eyes from drying out. While a similar study shows that humans have fake eyelashes to let you know they nasty.
Oh! Shots fired!
[Cut to Riblet and Michael Che]Oh, now tell me what Chewbacca’s real name is. Oh, you don’t know? It’s Peter Mayhew. I guess you don’t work as hord.
Michael Che: Riblet, just because you know the guy inside Chewbacca’s costume–
Riblet: That’s a costume? I thought that was a real monkey.
Michael Che: Yes. But, can you get out of here so I can finish, please?
Riblet: Oh, I’m sorry Che. Am I being a nuisance? Or what? You can’t finish unless Riblet is waiting in a cor? Come on, man. Well, break a news sucker!
Michael Che: Again?
[Cut to Riblet.There’s a picture of J.K. Simmons at right top corner.] [Reading news] In his acceptance speech for best supporting actor, J.K. Simmons urged everyone watching to take their time to call their mother. And if you can’t find your mama’s number, Che, I know I got it! Oh! [Cut to Michael Che and Riblet]Coz I’m the Ribita-ribita-ribita-Riblet! Now, tell me C-3PO’s real name. Oh, you didn’t know that? It’s Anthony Daniel. So, who’s smorter now?
Michael Che: I’m smorter. Alright, look, just because–
Riblet: I don’t believe you, Che!
Michael Che: Just because you know the guy and C-3PO’s costume–
Riblet: [yelling] That’s a costume too? There’s no way. That’s a skinny robit! How’s that possible?
Michael Che: Riblet, I’m just saying. There’s a lot more to this job–
Riblet: Jorb! It’s jorb.
Michael Che: — than being smart and knowing Star Wars stuff and telling jokes. You have to look nice, okay? You need a news anchor suit.
Riblet: Oh, what? I don’t look nice? Or what? I don’t look awesome? Ayo, Dan. Can I get a single on camera three homie? Please?
[Riblet opens his jacket. He has a suit on inside.]Real quick, here we go. And, yoinks!
[Riblet takes his wig off.Now, I don’t know what you see when you look at this picture. But when I look at this picture, [Picture changes to Michael Che] I see black and jorbless. Oh!
[Cut to Michael Che and Riblet. A delivery boy comes in.]Delivery boy: I have a package for Riblet.
Riblet: I’m Riblet.
Delivery boy: Okay. Here we go. Thank you. Oh, a package?
[Cut to Riblet. He’s opening the package.] Let’s see what we got here. Alright. OH, how nice? [Riblet takes a mic out of the box and drops it on the table.] [Cut to Michael Che and Riblet]Michael Che: My friend from high school, Riblet, everyone. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.
