Weekend Update Riblet

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Michael Che

Riblet… Bobby Moynihan

[Starts with Michael Che in his set. There’s a picture of a haunted mansion at right top corner.]

Michael Che: A haunted ten bedroom mansion in Staten Island has been–

Male voice: [interrupting the news] Psst! Hey yo, Che!

Michael Che: [ignoring] — hold on sale for over $two million.

[Riblet is standing behind the camera]

Riblet: Yo Che! Come on, the boys are in the court! Come on man!

Michael Che: What are you doing, man? We are live right now.

[Riblet turns around and looks at cameras]

Riblet: Are we live? Yo, from New York? [Riblet runs to Michael Che behind the desk] Oh, yo! Introduce me, Che! Yo, come on! Don’t be a rude dude! What’s going down?

Michael Che: This is my buddy from high school, Riblet.

Riblet: Yeah! It’s Riblet baby!

Michael Che: Riblet, I told you last time. Please don’t bother me when I’m working, man!

Riblet: Oh, wow! Oh, so now I’m bothering you? Whilst you are working? Because it looks like you just sitting, Che!

Michael Che: I am not just sitting. I am working hard!

Riblet: Oh, please! [Cut to Riblet] I work at Friendly’s, boo! And I run Star Wars tribute night. What does that mean? I don’t work hord? I’m confused.

[Cut to Riblet and Michael Che]

Michael Che: Yeah, that’s exactly what it means. You don’t work hord. This is not easy, Riblet!

Riblet: Oh! Oh, but Michael, it is baby! Even Riblet can do you jorb. Check-check-check it out.

[Cut to Riblet. There’s a picture of eyelash at right top corner.]

{Reading news] A new study shows that humans have long eyelashes to keep their eyes from drying out. While a similar study shows that humans have fake eyelashes to let you know they nasty.

Oh! Shots fired!

[Cut to Riblet and Michael Che]

Oh, now tell me what Chewbacca’s real name is. Oh, you don’t know? It’s Peter Mayhew. I guess you don’t work as hord.

Michael Che: Riblet, just because you know the guy inside Chewbacca’s costume–

Riblet: That’s a costume? I thought that was a real monkey.

Michael Che: Yes. But, can you get out of here so I can finish, please?

Riblet: Oh, I’m sorry Che. Am I being a nuisance? Or what? You can’t finish unless Riblet is waiting in a cor? Come on, man. Well, break a news sucker!

Michael Che: Again?

[Cut to Riblet.There’s a picture of J.K. Simmons at right top corner.] [Reading news] In his acceptance speech for best supporting actor, J.K. Simmons urged everyone watching to take their time to call their mother. And if you can’t find your mama’s number, Che, I know I got it! Oh!

[Cut to Michael Che and Riblet]

Coz I’m the Ribita-ribita-ribita-Riblet! Now, tell me C-3PO’s real name. Oh, you didn’t know that? It’s Anthony Daniel. So, who’s smorter now?

Michael Che: I’m smorter. Alright, look, just because–

Riblet: I don’t believe you, Che!

Michael Che: Just because you know the guy and C-3PO’s costume–

Riblet: [yelling] That’s a costume too? There’s no way. That’s a skinny robit! How’s that possible?

Michael Che: Riblet, I’m just saying. There’s a lot more to this job–

Riblet: Jorb! It’s jorb.

Michael Che: — than being smart and knowing Star Wars stuff and telling jokes. You have to look nice, okay? You need a news anchor suit.

Riblet: Oh, what? I don’t look nice? Or what? I don’t look awesome? Ayo, Dan. Can I get a single on camera three homie? Please?

[Riblet opens his jacket. He has a suit on inside.]

Real quick, here we go. And, yoinks!

[Riblet takes his wig off.

[Cut to Riblet. There’s a picture of a viral blue and black dress that many people thought was white and gold at right top corner.] [cheers and applause]

Now, I don’t know what you see when you look at this picture. But when I look at this picture, [Picture changes to Michael Che] I see black and jorbless. Oh!

[Cut to Michael Che and Riblet. A delivery boy comes in.]

Delivery boy: I have a package for Riblet.

Riblet: I’m Riblet.

Delivery boy: Okay. Here we go. Thank you. Oh, a package?

[Cut to Riblet. He’s opening the package.] Let’s see what we got here. Alright. OH, how nice?

[Riblet takes a mic out of the box and drops it on the table.] [Cut to Michael Che and Riblet]

Michael Che: My friend from high school, Riblet, everyone. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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