Colin Jost
Ruth Bader Ginsburg… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Supreme Court hearing on marriage equality, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg received a lot of media attention for her pointed comments. Here to explain is Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
[Ruth Bader Ginsburg slides in]
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Woo-woo-woo! The Ruth- the Ruth- the Ruth is on fire.
Colin Jost: Alright. Justice coming in hot.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Yeah. You better believe it, Colin. Yeah! [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] I’m ready to rumble, Mayweather-Pacquiao style. I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. I clean myself like a fly.
[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Justice, Justice Ginsburg, let’s focus. Now, were you swayed by any of the arguments you heard on Tuesday?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Oh, they were useless. Useless! [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] Next time, I’m just gonna put a crumpled up black cocktail napkin in my place. Not gonna know what I’ve got. The arguments I heard, they were so weak. I just hope they’re not holding up Justice Scalia’s chair. Well, that’s a Gins-burn!
[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost. Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing]
Colin Jost: Justice Ginsburg!
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: What? What? Come on! I’m like a weird mole. I’m tiny but I could be dangerous.
Colin Jost: It’s a great point. Now getting back on track, the issue is really whether marriage equality should be up to state or federal governments. You know? You have states like Kentucky that want to keep their marriage bans.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Ah! Yeah! [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] Kentucky, yeah. Real 21st century state. I could call out that their most famous citizen is a friend chicken sales man who looks like he should be sipping iced tea at a slave auction. But I’m not gonna go there. And by there, I mean Kentucky! That’s a Gins-burn.
[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost. Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing]
Colin Jost: Justice Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg!
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: What?
Colin Jost: You know, I have to say. You sound pretty confident you’re gonna win this case.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Oh, well, yeah I’m gonna win. I already won today. I was the jockey writing American farewell.
Colin Jost: Well, you’re a jockey too?
[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg]
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Yeah. Down at the Derby, they call me Seembiscuit, coz all the fellows wanted to seem my biscuit.
[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: You’re not gonna dance?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: I only dance when I’m joking, Colin. Well, well, if you really want, I’ll dance.
[Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing]
Colin Jost: So, Justice, should we be expecting a final decision from you guys?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Oh, yeah. It couldn’t happen soon enough. [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] I gotta push same sex marriage through before god remembers I’m still alive. The grim reaper, he came for me once, but I punched him and stole his robe.
[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: And what’s next in this case? Is it the written briefs?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Well, written briefs. [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] You know what’s written on my briefs? “Baby gap”. Nobody’s safe from the fire, not even me. I just got Gins-burned!
[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost. Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing.]
Colin Jost: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, everybody!
[cheers and applause]
